Thursday, November 12, 2009

The ressurection of the nearly dead!

Well I've been away for awhile....swimming in the darkness and dancing on the edge of death! I knew that I was slipping into the darkness, but thought that maybe it was just circumstantial. My eldest son Paul got married in Hilton Head Island South Carolina, a beautiful place with years of wonderful memories for all of us. I don't think that I had ever achieved spiritual and physical peace anywhere, other than there. Walking by the ocean, breathing in the sweet salty air, feeling the soft silky sand between my toes. Heaven....at least that would be my sense of heaven. The closer it got to September 22nd, the sadder I became because we couldn't go. At first it was just little outbursts of tears....sometimes sobbing uncontrollably. Then it became more difficult to go out, because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. Then I was crying more than breathing, it was more than missing the wedding...it was about missing life... I knew I needed to reach out to get help. I had had some bloodwork done and by this time the results had revealed that my TSH was 3 times higher than it should be, and my mood meds I had reduced after increasing them without permission ( I was getting a bit high) but had then reduced them again. This whole whack of medical issues. and medicines, which can cause side effects, and the multiple diagnoses that cause symptoms get very confusing, and very difficult to discern whats actually happening! Lots of fun...So I crashed with my fibro...I crashed with my bipolar, and it was a mess! BUT I"M BACK! Forgive my absence from the blog/cyber world!