Renovating your Blog should never be approached lightly!

Sorry Angela...I can't seem to get my sidebar back on that other template, iteeps migrating down to the bottom of the page and although I have pleaded for Blogger help so far I'm up to my eyeballs in xml code and widgets that don't work and I desperately need my sidebar.  I promise not to plaster CNN links all over though!!!!! Deal?  Since you are my main reader and advocate I think I'll write about you next!!!!! Keep reading!

"Safe Sex" the modern lie!

Even though I have always born boys, I have a strong concern for the young women around me, and the increasing pressure, and danger, of sexual activity.


Firstly, there is this uuniversally accepted lie, that teenagers can have "safe sex", and that the mere mention of "abstinence" is going to send them into a frenzied orgy from which they might never return!
My feeling is completely the opposite, and I try to share this with any young women who befriend me. I say and believe this because I know first hand the problems that I faced as a young sexually active girl, and I don't mean sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy.  Those things can be prevented, but there are things that can't be prevented but no one wants to talk about them. 
I engaged in sexual activity at the age of 15. Although I was "physically capable" of having sex, I was far from emotionally ready to deal with the vulnerabilities, and responsibilities of such an intimate relationship. Granted I was messed up, having been sexually abused and dealing with the resulting psychological mess that creates. I also suffered from a profound lack of self esteem which left me with an insatiable yearning for affirmation. I strongly believe that affirming our young women, and teaching our young men to "cherish" and respect them, will go a long way to reducing sexual activity in teens. If young women learn to value themselves, physically, spiritually and mentally, they will be less likely to "give" themselves away.
As a society, we have gone from one extreme to the other.  Undoubtedly we don't want girls to be killing themselves following losing their virginity, but what is wrong with having an ideal to strive for.  Why can't we look up, instead of always looking down to level a playing field.  This may sound harsh, but when put into a different perspective, you may be surprised by what they think. Try this...
Provide your girl(s) with money bags, tied with a ribbon, and marked $1,000,000.00.  Give them a pen and paper and tell them that they need to come up with 5 character traits they would require from a boy, that would make them feel comfortable with sharing this treasure with them.  My girls were pretty street savvy, and definitely sexually active, but they couldn't come up with one character trait that would make them that comfortable!  Ask them to open the bags...the bags you have filled with money sized pieces of paper on which you have written....you are beautiful...your most intimate being worth more than $1000.000.00...your heart is beautiful....on and on any affirmation you can think of.
You have to do this, if only to see the looks on their faces when they open the bags...the very idea that anyone would think of themselves as more valuable than a $1,000,000.  Or even more surprising, that they could set boundaries on how their bodies were shared, or if they wanted to share them at all!
It was very interesting, and heartbreaking, and conversation changing.  If you do it you must let me know the rresult.  I pray that it will be life changing.

Abortion...a final solution?

Over the past few weeks HBO has been running  "If These Walls Could Talk" 1 and 2.  The first deals with the evolution of society's acceptance of abortion, the second deals with acceptance of Homosexuality. Now you all know how I love HBO, and it's sister station CNN, but  this movie seems to have become increasingly irritating to me, the older I get!  Is that because I'm becoming more conservative with age?  No, I don't think so.  I have always been against abortion.  I think, however, my understanding as to why I am against it has grown with experience, and knowledge. Within a few months of being sexually active, at age 16, I realized that I was pregnant. I had access to birth control at my Dad's office...there were samples.  I'm not sure why I didn't take them, but there you are, I didn't and it was done.  I NEVER considered abortion, and my boyfriend never suggested it.  I was adopted, and as a result I had a strong sense that if abortion had been readily available when my own mother was pregnant, then I wouldn't have been given the chance to exist...and who should have the right to make that decision? I gave my first child up for adoption, and for certain it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  But it was me who made the mistake, and I felt strongly that he should not have to pay the price.  Not a single day goes by that I don't think of him, and anyone who has ever known me, knows of him. The whole experience was mind numbing, and most importantly I was not emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually ready, or able to deal with a "sexual" relationship.  My heart had no way to handle it.

I have given birth to 4 boys, and raised 3.  Each of my children are unique individuals with special gifts, and their own "flare" and "style". 
If you are considering an abortion please read that sentence again!...

Each of my children are unique individuals with special gifts, and their own "flare" and "style".
You cannot replace him/her...you are not "delaying" having a family for a more convenient time.

He/She is a unique, one of a kind, human being/person, that you are eliminating from society!
FOREVER...

Why are we so cavalier about this?  Not just cavalier, but so insistent about the right to abort that "pro lifers" are ostracized in the mainstream media and depicted as "crazy Christian zealots"!.  For instance in this HBO film the doctor character, played by Cher, says she will explain the abortion procedure as she goes along so there "won't be any surprises", but then fails to explain anything at all, other than the insertion of the speculum and the "needle stick" into the woman's cervix.  She passes a variety of surgical instruments under the woman's gown, and when the suction is passed up,  presumably to suction out the now dead fetus, the only comment is... "you'll hear some noise, don't be scared"...which seems like such a grave understatement of the truth.  If you're gonna share the truth, then share it!  Meanwhile The protesters outside this abortion clinic are all characterized as unintelligent, violent, Jesus crazy people, who end up shooting the doctor !  Every character who is pro life is either cruel or crazy, and every character who is pro choice is well adjusted and intelligent ...and ready to point out all the mis-statements of the protesters but giving no detail about the abortion procedure...which makes me a little confused...what is the difference between omitting the truth, and lying?  Why is it considered wrong to discuss the actual details of an abortion at different stages of pregnancy?  It seems that "informed consent" is not really required for abortion because no one wants to "talk" about it.  I have sat by the bedside of a 15 year old whose doctor had not explained to her that he had placed a cone in her cervix to dilate it!  She had no idea what was happening to her. None.

Do you know how many individuals are eliminated each year in Canada? Check it out

Abortion Statistics... You know, if we were talking about that many puppies we'd be outraged!! How sad is that!

The real truth of the matter is...we have gone too far...we've lost the magic.  In the name of liberation, we've tossed out the importance of cherishing innocence; the possibility of being cared for; and the right to have expectations in our relationships and our daughters are paying the price.

Skeletons OUT of the closet!

Following all the previous discussion about fascination of disasters, I am now sitting and watching a group of presumably sane women, who are known as Olympic Skeleton Athletes, and I can hardly catch my breath!  Each run, they throw thier small framed bodies down, face first, onto a 2 1/2 foot long sled, pull their arms in to their sides, and proceed down a brutal ice covered course at lightening speeds of up to 130 km per hour, experiencing a force over 4 G's, which is 2 G's more than an astronaut experiences during a shuttle launch!
I don't understand! So I looked up it's definition...

skeleton sledding

Winter sport similar to lugeing in which a small sled is ridden downhill in a headfirst, prone position. The sport of skeleton sledding developed in the 1880s on the famed Cresta Run at Saint Moritz, Switz. The “bony” look of the early sleds gave the sport its name. Riders attain speeds of more than 80 miles (129 km) per hour. It was first contested at the Olympic games in 1928.

Say what?...The bony look of the sleds was the last thing I thought would have given this sport it's name!"...!!!? Not really sure what characteristics would make a good skeleton rider...but suicidal comes to mind!

Sad

Welcome to my "crappy" day!  It was going great, and we have had lots of fun watching the Olympics and getting caught up in the revelry.  In fact we had reconnected with an old friend, sharing olympic stories and scores.  I think I've mentioned that Matt and I don't get out much..and really over the past several years I've stopped all my ministry activities and spend most everyday with just myself and the pets. It didn't use to be that way, and when I had the energy, I think I might have been fun to be around, and I still try to be fun for Mattthew.
So when we made plans to watch the Olympics together with our friend this weekend, we were both really excited....that was Wednesday.  Today I get a message saying that the plans are off, and she hopes we get a better offer?! This may sound totally ridiculous to you, but I cried!  There's other history there too that makes it doubly gut wrenching, but I don't know how Matt's going to take it either.  You see she used to be part of our family, but now ... I don't get it.

So I keep crying, and Dudley keeps washing my face for me, and I know I have to stop before Matt gets home so I had better take my Mother's advice as she wheeled Dad into heart surgery...."Think happy thoughts"!...and carry a box of kleenex!

Mike Robertson wins SILVER in Snowboard cross

Well this whole Olympic thing has got to be pretty exhausting for those athletes, and their families...but what about me?!...It's only day 4 and I am completely confused! For a start you need several television sets all going at once in order to see everything that's going on...and although day 1 was pretty simple to follow, I am finding myself getting all worked up over races that I then realize I already watched the day before! There's way too many athletes, and way too many countries....where did they all come from? It's as if all the countries in the world fell to little pieces and got renamed? What's with that? Even with our globe spinning there are some that just don't appear under the scrutiny of my Dollarama reading glasses. The men's snowboarding event was particularly exciting, so I watched that twice cause they go down so darn fast you can't see it all. So far I am rivetted, and I think I'll paint a maple leaf on my face tonight and scare Matthew to death!
If you're having the same troubles keeping up as I am here is a great link that will keep you sorted out....you just have to remember that BC is three hours behind!(duh!)
Mike Robertson and Olympic Schedule

Eggs

I was recently talking to a friend struggling with relationship issues, and I began to ponder the importance of relationships in our lives, and how much they resemble eggs.

Yes I did say eggs. Apart from the obvious "good egg" and "bad egg" idea, the very nature of eggs lends them to this soliloquy. Eggs are fragile in some respects, but extremely strong in others...it all depends on the approach taken toward the egg! If you were to bang it on it's head or bottom it would survive intact...however if you were to tap it firmly on it's side WHOOSH! It's all over with, and there's yolk everywhere. Everyone (inclusive of the egg) has their weak spot...that area of vulnerability that we try to keep secret in order to protect ourselves....and yet in the process of a relationship, being vulnerable is part of the package....it's a decision of how vulnerable, and how soon to allow ourselves the danger of the consequences of vulnerability.

To be brief...you gotta be careful who you allow around the middle!

Once the middle has been revealed it's a whole other ball game or egg toss!

The "bad" eggs stink right away, and you know they're bad, you know that you'll get sick if you eat it......BUT>>>>some of us EAT IT ANYWAY! Over and over again we eat it....we keep hoping it's gonna taste better....but deep down we know...it's a bad egg...they don't get better...and no amount of "wishing" it was a good egg is going to change that!The longer you try...the sicker you get!!!!

Then there's the raw egg...it's still strong on top, but once you get past the cracking it's all gooey inside....there's slimy stuff, and lumpy stuff, and the big bulbous orange orb....it's like it doesn't really know what it is yet! You might try to play with it....give it a chance to get to know you but then.....it just s l i p s through your fingers and falls all spread out and mushy....you may try to pick it back up but it keeps sliding around...even with support, like a paper towel, you really have to work hard to clean him up. Wow....I'm exhausted!!!!! These eggs are just not mature enough to understand themselves yet. And no matter how hard we in our maturity, might want to help the egg realize his true potential....we can't...he's raw... he'll even blame you later for trying to control him...he's simply too much work!!!

So here we are at ....you knew it was coming...the hard boiled egg! Solid...you can even batter it's outer shell and still...as you penetrate the inside it is ...SOLID....HARD...INFLEXIBLE. A hard boiled egg ...was...is...and will always be ...a hard boiled egg!!! You cannot reshape it...you cannot do anything with it...it is NOT in transition...unless you yourself are hardboiled you will never find happiness with this egg. The best you can hope for is that when it all falls apart you can make egg salad sandwiches with him...but be very careful...he spoils quickly!

Now we are left with soft boiled...yup...good old softy...strong on top and bottom, but when you get past the crack in the middle you have a lovely white smoothness that flexes to the touch. You can play with it...tapping off the harder shell, and bouncing your spoon off the albumen...just you and your egg....bouncing! You can push your favourite small vegetable into it and make a smiley face...you can go further....digging to the depths of it's vulnerability and find silky yellow softness which will welcome and warm you. You can use the shell as a little bowl and mix the yolk and albumin up before you dip your toast soldier in...or not. You can choose just to eat the yolk, and leave the albumin untouched...just think of all the possibilities...they are endless...that is what you want....flexibility with strength...the protection of a shell with the enticement of a soft warm inside...the ability to consider, together, whether a few more seconds in the hot water might be needed...It's open...honest...real....everything a good egg should be...so next time you're "shopping for eggs" ...consider these words and....remember what Grandma always said...don't put all your eggs in one basket!

Why I have trouble sleeping at night.....and other childhood traumas!

Okay my sister and I grew up in England....after the ice age....but not before CNN. There were only 2 television stations...BBC1 and of course BBC "2"! Children's programming was limited to about 2 hours a day between 5p.m. and 7p.m., where after, all good little children should be in bed! The other day my sister left me a telephone message starting with (appropriately enough) OMG..."The singing rining tree is on You Tube"....I could hear in her trembling voice that the "flash backs" had already begun to recur!! "This" isn't possible", I say to myself (I do that alot...and sometimes yes...I answer) Nobody in their right mind could wish to traumatize an entirely new generation of innocents...I sat in muddled disbelief for a few moments...but the laptop kept calling...."come here my pretty..I want to show you something"....I knew it was going to be dangerous...like when the girl goes down the dark stairway to find the source of the noise...which you and I both know is a Psycho Killer...but no matter how loud we yell...:DON"T GO DOWN THERE...she goes anyway!...I digress....well you know what I did...yes....I went on you tube....I searched the "singing ringing tree" and there it was....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW-D9pObZKw

The singing ringing tree....colourized!
Now once you've seen this....all the answers you ever had about what happened to me will be answered. The years of psychotherapy and repeated bouts of depression...you will finally understand my fear of bears and total dislike of princes and short people. The countless goldfish in my life....
It's hard to explain but there are a few characters reminiscent of past husbands???!!!!
Don't.....I MEAN DO NOT SHOW THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN

Saving Time For......?

As our new techno communication system has become speedier...for some reason, our ability to read and write has to be transformed also. After all, since it takes so much LESS time to send an email than write a letter, it makes total sense that you be replaced by y o u, since those two (2) extra letters take such an enormous amount of extra time to type!

(YO YO YO YO) time yourself!

Then there's the number/letter style which may actually save you a fragment of a second to type but on the receiving end some of us are (r) at a loss as to the meaning of the message and can take inordinate amounts of frustrated time decoding it....

4 u 2 b l8 u r 2 sk8 2 ur d8 b4 8 ! (get the idea!)

Also....I do wonder what everyone is doing with all this "saved" time...good works?....good books...? I'm not sure...but I don't think so....but I do have this gnawing image in my head of the "new death" ...a death too terrible tell...but in the interest of this Blog I'm going to share....at the end...(at least what we anticipate to be the end) we time efficient humans draw (or rather draw out) our last breath in accordance with the amount of "time saved"....think ......it could go on for days....weeks....months....nursing home halls filled to capacity with the "brevity breathers"....on the very cusp of death...mouths open....eyes wide....wishing they had written "your" in it's entirety....think about it now...before it's 2 l8!!!!!

The Inconvenience of Angina

As anyone who has ever had heart problems can probably attest...there is nothing more inconvenient than having an angina attack.

First and foremost...what IS angina...well there's the rub...you probably right away thought "chest pain"...well you might be surprised that the pinching in your shoulder; jaw; throat; could be angina too..or... it could be just a "pinching" in your shoulder; jaw; and throat!



The first time I had severe angina (after suffering with the pinching, shortness of breath; extreme lethargy...figuring it was all due to inactivity) I lay in bed and had a discussion with myself, and with God. I asked myself whether or not I was REALLY in pain! I'm in pain all the time, and when you deal with chronic pain, it changes all the definitions! The pain then increased and moved to my left arm...but...I asked myself...is my left arm REALLY hurting more than my right? Yes...yes it is. Am I having a panic attack? Been there...done that...no this is different...Hmmmmm.

What to do! It's 11:30 p.m. and my son is sleeping soundly. I don't really want to disturb anyone...so I tell God that if He wants me, I'm ready to go...but 9:00 a.m - 3:00 p.m. Monday thru Friday would really be much better...and after all He's God! I didn't call anyone...didn't mention it to my doctor for about a month, and finally discovered that yes I did have blocked arteries...and got stents and nitroglycerin.



That was 2 years ago, and I'm back at the angina thing again, and have found via angiogram, that I have several at least 50% blocked arteries...but not blocked enough to fix...yet! Lovely!!!! So the whole angina thing has changed now...because I know now....whereas before I was blissful in my ignorance! Now when it starts, I know that I have 15 minutes and 3 nitro puffs before I'm in real trouble, and because I live alone, as a single Mom, there are things to do!!!



Whatever needs to happen...I'm the only one that can make it happen...I can't just lay still and have someone else do all the calling of ambulances...getting Matt woken up and looked after....someone will have to open the door and hold the dogs when the paramedics get here...all the stuff that has to be done is too much...particularly if it turns out that you don't have a massive coronary after all!!!!!

Seriously...once you make that call for help you are pretty much obliged to to have a fatal. or near fatal, heart attack!!!!! Ask any heart patient!.....thats why we die!

Social Networking and other perils

As you may have noticed...I'm not really all that savvy at the social networking stuff. I find that Facebook has terrified me with it's ballooning abundance of questionnaires; games; quizzes; albums; videos....I could go on and on!...and on. It's simply amazing to me how someone could ever have that many friends! I admit that my existence since becoming ill has rather paralyzed my "friendship" abilities...but that's exactly my point....friendships require care; time; effort; investment of heart and energy (which I am sadly lacking..hence my limitations) and therefore would seem to limit the ability of someone to effectively manage the number of friends they seem to have acquired! It is exactly my limitation with respect to pain/energy/inability to plan...that has made this media a real breakthrough for me. I mean...I'm here by myself (well not really...I have 3 dogs, a cat, 5 birds, and a son to look after!!!!!!) and presently have a spontaneous moment of lucidity...and that is never to be overrated...so now I can release some of the thoughts that are continually running around in my head. This, I feel, will allow me to free up space in my brain for other thoughts, and leave it in a continuously emptied state ( sort of like the recycle bin emptying that I forget to do) so that on the rare occasion that I DO go out, and I DO speak to someone...maybe I'll be less likely to ramble on without pause for breath until I excuse myself for frightening them (usually some poor unsuspecting clerk) and explain that I'm out on unsupervised leave and will be returning to hospital soon! They look relieved!

Anyway....my point is....(u didn't think I had one did u!)....that for me...and other poor sods like me who are stuck at home...this is a great way to reach out to the world...but if you are blessed with good health....then please....get off the computer ...and go visit someone you love ...before you can't!

God Bless