Missing God

I miss God allot right now.  It's not that ...He's not around ...of course...He's all around...but I have neglected to involve Him in every aspect of my life, like I used to and loved to.  A relationship with God/Jesus, is really like any other and at the same time unlike any other.  When I was young I really only felt that "thrill" of being enveloped by His glory during the Christmas season, and then it waned into the background of life.  While I was a teenager the last thing I wanted was to consider Jesus my comforter because I was so darn angry with Him. I couldn't forgive Him for watching while I was violated so many times, and felt He did nothing to protect me, in fact even worse, the violator was a staunch Catholic, and I was supposed to respect him...have him in my home...sit down to dinner with him!!!!! It was more than I could imagine dealing with, and I blamed everyone for it.  Anger is a crippling thing.  It laces every other emotion with a tinge of bitterness..a hint of poison. It took a really ;long time for me to embrace the love of Christ...the love that had been there all along, but that I hadn't understood, and felt unworthy of. When I found Him...truly found Him, I was higher than any earthly high could ever attempt to take me...all the most incredible descriptive words in every language in the world could not fully describe the wealth of emotion, the fire in my heart, the intensity and joy I felt...but I let it falter.  Relationships take time, patience, commitment...and Jesus is no different.  You..I mean I..can't expect to have this phenomenal relationship with Christ if I continuously push Him to the sidelines and pursue this struggle called life, on my own.  I've never been very good at accepting or asking for help, and I know it's a "worthiness" thing, and a deep down fear that a) I don't deserve it and b) I'll be rejected.  Although this has been reinforced in the natural realm, Jesus has never once hung up on me, or refused to listen! So why am I cloistered in my house, with umpteen Bibles, and books, and time, and shutting up my heart?  I don't fully understand it myself. It's complicated!!!  Please pray for me.

The Crazy truth about Life

It's a funny thing about life...when you're young all you can think about is when you get to be grown up...you practice having intense relationships in your dreams...you crave the day when you can drive a car...when you can have ur own place...when u can have ur own money...go out whenever u want...blah...blah...blah..!! Once you get to the point when you have ur own car...have ur own job...have ur own place...have ur own money/debt...all u can think about is what ur going to do when u get ur next job...place...car...more money...what u'll do when u reach ur goals...but the goals and desires kepp changing and before u know it...somehow...sometime...u start looking back...and the really funny thing is that the cars...the jobs....the places...and the money/debt...is/are...in the grand scheme of things...pretty unimportant.  The only thing that's important are the people and the relationships, and how they have helped to shape who you are, and how that has shaped other people's lives who have shared, in a big or small way, in your life.  It's those moments in time when you have been truly authentic, and allowed the real you to embrace someone and potentially change the course of their lives!  That's a pretty huge thing...it's the best thing...it's the only thing that will make your life significant.  It's hard to share this simple truth with young people, beacause...well...they're young people!! They are, by nature of their condition, somewhat ...or very ...self absorbed, impulsive, and feel knowledgeable beyond their years, and now a days being knowledgeable beyond their years is a pretty consistent condition for teens in our present culture.  Being 13 now is way different than being 13 when my older sons were 13, and way way different than when I was 13 (obviously...I rode my dinosaur to school!!)..so it's very hard to impart wisdom to these kids, especially Biblical wisdom...because if I'm not relevant, they surely can't gain anything from a book written more than 2000 years ago!!!!! They think!!!But these are the years that this wisdom can guide and guard them from so much pain and dissappointment...knowing that you are loved beyond all measure, and no matter what happens, you will continue to be loved, and valued, and seen as a precious gift to be cherished...to be wrapped up in that love changes you...strengthens you...protects you from making choices that would harm you, because you don't need more attention than you already have...you fell safe and at home in your own skin.  There is no ulterior motive, no measure to achieve,...just safety and love and "peace that surpasses all understanding". In my own adolescence I didn't feel that confident in my lovability...I felt that on the list of "needs" priority...my needs were last on the list, and I carried that notion throughout my life...I still have a hard time with boundaries and saying no...but I found a way to solve it...I just don't have relationships, I don't go out anywhere!!! I have enough on my plate that I struggle with anyway...I can't look after anyone else!! That may sound terrible, but it's true, and I just live with it!!  But kids I meet, I still want to share that truth with them, and I hope that one day God will give me the chance to do more for our youth.  Thatis...if I can ever get out of this house!!!!  Well so much for serious,,,,time to lighten up....next time!!

What's so "good" about GOOD FRIDAY?

The Crucifixion
When I was a child, and the Easter celebrations approached, I couldn't help but wonder what was so good about Good Friday?  Good Friday meant a 3 hour Church service, whereupon we would reenact the Crucifixion of Christ...shouting out the words that led to His being nailed to the cross.  I would yell out the words, all the while thinking that I would never have spoken them, and these people that I am pretending to be are heinous criminals...certainly not me!  I didn't get it....actually I didn't get it for a very long time, and I don't know if I ever would have, if not for the trials and tribulations that I have struggled with, that slay me helpless if not for Him. Through this process I had to admit, humbly, that it would be His strength, certainly not my own, that must carry me on. The eventual begrudging acceptance of my limitations and weaknesses that He and I still discuss at length, are challenged mostly by Christians!  It is quite daunting to undertake a study about mental illness as viewed by the more Fundamentalist Christian community.  The message is ...that it is not God's will for us to be sick, and therefore if we suffer from an ongoing illness (particularly mental) then it is because we are not renouncing our sins, there is something in us that is holding us back from Christ's healing. Ultimately "it's our own fault" and therefore we should be discouraged rather than unconditionally accepted.  I equate it to the different reactions our community has over it's congregant's when they suffer a divorce as opposed to a death in their family.  The pain and grief of Death is acknowledged by flowers, cards of sympathy, aid of all kinds, however there is little to no acknowledgement of the pain and grief of a divorce...rather a palpable silence!

I have considered all this for quite some time, and I'm not bitter about it...I get it...I get now why "Good Friday" was good.  Jesus Christ died for me...just as I am...warts, emotional difficulties and all.  Perhaps there are those people who bear things for a purpose... His purpose. I'm not saying I'm some kind of saint...far from it...but I do know a saint who was afflicted....asked for release from his affliction...and it was not granted!  In time The apostle Paul came to understand why God had chosen not to free him from it...whatever "it" was. Please keep reading and answer my question at the end...

The Apostle Paul wrote...

2 Corinthians 12:7 - 10 The Message


^7-10Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. (2 Corinthians 12:7, The Message)

handicap /h'ændikæp/

Synonyms:
verb: hinder, hamper, impede
noun: hindrance, impediment, drawback, obstacle, encumbrance, disadvantage
handicaps plural, 3rd person present; ; handicapping present participle; ; handicapped past tense, past participle;

1.A handicap is a physical or mental disability.

◦He lost his leg when he was ten, but learnt to overcome his handicap.

2.A handicap is an event or situation that places you at a disadvantage and makes it harder for you to do something.
 

If today, the Apostle Paul were to come to your house to celebrate this Easter Season, would you tell him that his relationship with Christ was flawed since he didn't have sufficient faith to be healed?

The best thing about Good Friday is...Easter Sunday...and the knowledge that after all the pain and suffering...His mostly, but ours as well...we are His Children and the best is yet to come!
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Blind side...My new favourite movie!

Just when you begin to think that all hope is lost, along comes a story that lifts you out of the mud, and reminds you that there is good in the world, that there is hope in that goodness, and that when you listen to God and act out His plan for you without question, beautiful things happen.  Unfortunately the media isn't as interested, in fact we aren't as interested in all the good things that are happening everyday in our world.  Most of the amazing, spirit lifting, and inspiring actions that are taking place never make it to the headlines.  The people that are changing lives for the better, who are reaching out and "taking care" of human kind are never acknowledged...but then that's not why they do it! Fortunately for us, somehow, some way, some of these stories are eventually told, and it is to encourage ourselves that hope isn't dead.  That we too can change a life, have a purpose, and change ourselves in the process.  Sometimes we just have to wait....until the movie comes out!! Remember...

Philippians 4:8 (The Message)
8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

R We Numb?

Over the past year there have been many, many, occaisions where our news coverage has been saturated with the gruesome images of dead, and wounded people...here on our own continent and in other countries.  It has become commonplace to turn on the television and hear the butcher's bill for the most recent accident/attack/natural disaster and disease. 

I don't think this is a new phenomenon, although our world is definitely going to hell in a handbasket, but our technology has allowed these events to be broadcast immediately, totally unfiltered, right into our homes, and hands.

Last year someone held a camera phone to document the last moments of  Neda's life, sprawled on the road where she had been shot down while watching the Iranian Protests.  The footage was raw, and disturbing, and ultimately she became the martyr of the Iranian protests. 

In Haiti, a cnn crew stands by and films the last breath of a haitian man who has been bludgeoned by police, for allegely stealing rice. There he lies...alone...reaching out a hand...there's no one there to hold it...they're too busy taking his picture...I want to vomit!...and told them so. Shame on you CNN.

Most recently at the Olmpics the Georgian luge athlete flies off the track going 140 km an hour, and slams into a girder.  Despite the fact that this is only a practice run, there's someone there with a camera and the images of his fatal accident are pretty much immediately loaded onto youtube and viewed by children and adults alike. You tube takes it down, but not before millions have viewed it.  Debates begin on the internet about the public's right to view this footage.  Some even have the audacity to argue that it is neccessary to view it in order to decipher the cause of this terrible tragedy!  Are you kidding?

For a fee on the internet, you can also view Daniel Pearl being decapitated!

I know that we have this weird thing as humans, to want to watch this stuff...and the more we watch the greater shock value we need.  My Dad got really upset with me one night when we were debating what movie to watch, and they were all pretty much murder/thriller stories.  I wasn't very happy being told off at the time, but it gave me pause to think about what I put into my head. The idea of self censorship, and it's benefits, are not a new concept...it's actually a Biblical truth.  God knew how good we could get at messing up our heads among other things!  This is what the Bible suggests....and following that there is a very interesting article on why we might find this stuff so fascinating!

Philippians 4:8 (The Message)



Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Why are we facinated by war?

Chippy Church

The other day I was driving out to yet another medical test, and up ahead I noticed a tiny little chipmunk rushing out from the ditch and into the road. Anyone who knows me will know that I LOVE animals, and spent many hours rescuing different critters from an untimely death, so imagine my alarm as my vehicle bore down on this little creature.
"RUN CHIPPY RUN" I yelled, while I slowed down to let him pass safely ....feeling relieved that at his present rate he would successfully reach the other side....then all of a sudden he stopped in his tracks... sat upright in thought....his little tail pointed to the sky...and he did the unthinkable......he turned his cute tiny feet in the opposite direction and proceeded to retrace his steps.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" I yelled and in seconds my right tire smucked chippy, and all I could see in the rear view mirror was his tail....twitching back and forth. It was done. He was dead.
At first I was angry with chippy...why had he run back under my tire...was he STUPID! and then I started to think about "looking back" and how since I've been ill, I've spent allot of time looking back...thinking about my own death...planning my own funeral...and defining myself as where I've been, rather than where I'm going...alive or dead!
So chippy taught me something...We can be scared of moving forward, and indecisive about where to go. We can cling to where we've been, and prefer to live in the past....In doing this we sacrifice the wonderful plan that God has ahead of us...however it plays out.
And that's all I have to say about that.