Friday, December 2, 2011

HELP PLEASE-Fighting Fibromyalgia with increased symptoms ?

It has been a really tough year, and seems to be heading for an even tougher one. I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but my symptoms of acute pain and fatigue have been joined by uncontrollable nausea, and severe sensitivity to scents causing me to vomit/heave. Everything gets worse for a week or so before my period (perimenopausal) where I'm bedridden with uncontrolllable pain and migraines then I have abaout 5 or 6 good days ( during which I try to get caught up on all the things I've been unable to do). This is followed by the acute nausea (I lost 15 lbs last month...couldn't eat)phase again. I'm thinking of stopping most of my meds to clear my system.....heart....bipolar2....fibrro. Don't know what else to do. Evry time they try me on a new med I get sicker. HELP...Any fellow sufferes having these issues? I would love to here from you. PLEASE!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Jesus Christ and the german shepherds!

As you know, if you read Check SpellingCAN U C ME, I lost my Mother this summer, and although Mom and I had a checkered past, we had become closer, and I knew more about who she was. So when the Funeral was set and we were off to the Church I knew that this is where she would have pictured herself being 9 from an earthly perspective, as she had spent many years at Holy Rosary. I no longer attended mass with my parents when I visited, if I was well enough I attended a Methodist Church, and although at first I know my family was disturbed by that, but appeared to accept it as time went on. Anyway, after Mom had been taken, and we watched the Hearst carry her away, I suddenly felt a longing to be alone in the beautiful Church, away for the business of the reception. Catholic Churches still hold a reverence for me, and one of the most beautiful parts are the splendid stained glass windows. I took my time, going from window to window, and talking to God and Mother while I went. I finally came to the window that depicts the wonders of the birth of Christ Jesus. Mary and Joseph were there, the manger, and Jesus in swaddling clothes and the....my mind thought it was deceiving itself at first, (some deeper Fibro Fog that was distorting the images I saw), but try as I might I couldn't remove the 2 German Shepherds lying in the front left corner...I called in my family, just to ensure I wasn't having some psychotic break...and they too saw the German Shepherds...upfront...in the Manger Scene!!!!!
Apparently the priest who ran the Church during it's window making days, liked German Shepherds! Well I like German Shepherds too, but I heartily doubt I would even think that I had the right to insert my own personal passion into a piece of art commissioned for the beautification of the communities Church!!! Apparently there are "German shepherd" images inserted in other areas...what if the next priest has a passion for tarantulas!!!!
Now what would Martin Luther have said about that!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Nate & Matthew take on....The Pond Monsters






























The first summer after we moved into this house I decided I must build a pond. Ponds weren't trendy then, and I was too poor to get a fancy kit from a garden supply house, so I went down to our local pool installer and asked him if I could rummage through the cast off pool liners...he said "sure" because he had no use for them ( several years later you had to put your name on a list and pay a small dividend!) So off I went and hauled back a bright blue pool liner, and a black tarp (pool cover) to hide the blue. My yard was bare so I picked a spot in the middle towards the fence that led to the forest.



I dug for what seemed like an eternity and my son Andrew dug until he said it was 24" deep and we ended up with a small pond about 6 feet round, and 18" deep! I loved it, and every frog for miles loved it...the birds loved it...and anytime we had visitors we all went out to sit around "the pond"! Over the years the renovations of the pond took us to a new level where our goldfish over wintered and we were blessed with baby gold fish, Since I've been ill the pond and garden have suffered severe neglect, and I have been unable to enjoy it, or our summer firepit for at least 5 years. There was so much muck in the bottom that you couldn't run a pump, and I couldn't put fish in. My waterlilies (that had grown happily in No Frills baskets for 18 years) finally died too. Just last weekend, Matt and his friend Nate decided to take on the task of cleaning out the pond, and you have never seen 2 dirtier boys in the process!!! But if they weren't scary enough to look at you must see these monster frogs that are now swimming happily at a nearby abandoned quarry!!! Take into account the size of the boys hands holding the frogs....they're much bigger than mine.....
Any way...I am so excited that we will be able to have fish again, and sit by the fire roasting giant marshmallows as the bullfrogs serenade us! Also the fish will rid us of the mosquito larvae so my son Paul will able to sit aoutside with out fear of WestNile virus!!!(city boy!)










Monday, September 12, 2011

The Prettiest Girl in the World turned 6

On September 6th, this little beauty turned six years old. It hardly seems possible, and yet there she is, hugging our little "Ollie" (who doesn't look extremely happy, but is cooperating, which says allot for a Chi!
Gracie shares her birthday with another favorite person of mine, my Grandmother...Grace would have loved her too, and Granny would have fussed over Grace as if she were the only little girl in the world!
I am a lousy Grandmother....I live too far away to be of any use, and being ill further complicates my capacity to be the silly, fun loving, crazy granny that I want to be. I know that you'll think I'm just bragging, but Gracie truly IS the most brilliant 6 year old ever! And it doesn't even need to be said...but I'll say it anyway....she is, and has always been (since the moment of birth...which you can't often truly say) the most beautiful girl ever!! I am a poor substitute for her Uncle "Map" (she can of course now say Matt but I cling to the days when I would say "Hello Gracie...it's Granny G..." to which she would respond..."where's Uncle Map?"...and there our conversation would end!! I think that if I had the undying force of thwe Energy Bunny I might rate higher in her book, but who can blame her!! There was a time when Matt needed an afternoon nap, but that had long since expired until he spent the day with Grace....and then they both needed one!! It's funny when you think about how when we're young, we can't wait to grow up, and do all the things that the adults do...and yet when we grow old, we spend most of our time thinking about when we, and everyone else was young!


Happy Birthday to you


Happy Birthday to you


Happy Birthday sweet Gracie


Happy Birthday to you!


XXXXXX000000

Night Musings



The other night, when I couldn't sleep, which seems crazy after all the drugs I've consumed in order to achieve it, I gave up and was beckoned outside by this glorious moon. The clouds were moving, but only infinitesimally, so that you had to look away for a second and then look back to really see they had changed. The garden was bright, and the bullfrogs croaked in unison! There was scuffling going on in the woods behind us...nocturnal business of some kind. I was reminded of a night when I sat quietly beside the pond, and in the lights on the bushes a small silhouette seemingly fell out of the sky, and onto the gravel path before me. It was about the size of my hand, and busy with something so important that it didn't seem to notice my presence. As my eyes adjusted to the light I realized that it was a very small owl (sawheet I think) eating an even smaller mouse! I was entranced as I shared this moment. I tried to hold my breath for fear of giving away my presence, and then after it was done it turned it's head, in that Linda Blair fashion, looked at me straight in the eyes, and then flew up into the Pines! It was as if he had known I was there all the time, but had given me permission to witness his evening meal, and I felt an extreme sense of privilege that he had! I suppose if there's a moral to this story it must be that sometimes sleep is overrated and maybe something more magical awaits us if we choose to take the opportunity.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Funeral



It's seems like a long time ago, and then again, it seems like last week, that we held the wake and funeral mass for my Mother, this past July 13Th. I think that funerals today should stand by a new and improved ritual that recognizes the need to come to terms with what has happened, rather than to be caught in the stress and rush of losing a loved one and at the same time organizing their last most important act on earth all in a matter of a couple of days. It's not as if we are bound by Muslim or Jewish traditions? (I don't think anyway!) and it's not as if we don't have the ability to hold on to our loved one for a few days more??? I don't get it.



Anyway, I would have liked to have put together a video memorial to Mom, showing all the wonderful pictures of her through the years (Dad took allot of pictures of her....I wonder why!!!) but between finding out that Mom had passed and absorbing that information, then packing; then traveling; then shopping (no formal fat clothes on hand) it all swirled around us and I was waiting for the little people to appear.. The wonderful staff at the Funeral Home kept asking us if we would like to do "this or that" and we frequently said no simply because we didn't really know what they were asking of us, so finally after saying "no" to placing the "Pall" over Mom's casket, I decided to ask what a pall was and it was to simply place the cloth over Mom's casket symbolizing her faith (which she had) and then I said "I'd like to do that" and Angela did too...so we did it together, and it was a very moving moment for me. We both "tucked her in" and I kissed her casket, just as I had kissed her at the wake, and they laid a crucifix at her head. It was a grey and sombre day, appropriate to the occasion. I walked with Dad, not out of any protocol ' just as it happened... My sister, Angela, walked with my middle son, Andrew, and held his hand, (That being the 1st miracle to occur during the Mass!!) ...as he sobbed throughout the service. Way in the back were Paul, Jacquie and Matt. Don't know how they ended up there...like I said we hadn't really talked about that. The Priest knew my Mother well, and I think he could have been more personal than he was but that's all I'll say about him...The choir sang, and we choked out the words as well as we could between sobs and just as the service was coming to a close, Father Frank lit the incense jar and began to swing gently over the her casket...all at once the clouds broke and streams of sunlight flowed down over Mother, catching the incense in a swirling, glowing shaft of spectacular light ....and everyone gasped!!! I knew she could do it...she'd saved the best for last!! That was my Mother!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Commentless in Athens :(

Well things aren't going so well in this Athens Hotel!
After returning from my Mother's funeral (driving behind transport trucks all the way since my car can't go any faster than 80 -100 km an hour) I was very tired and very sore. I had gobbled up more of my pain pills than I had been allotted so throw in some exaggerated pain and possibly some withdrawal too...then I put my phone and TV on hold as a marked statement against Ma Bell only to find that while everywhere that was long distance is now free....the people down the street have to dial 1 to get a hold of me!! I was just starting to get a leg up when I went for a persantine test for my heart which took upwards of 7 hours all told with travelling and hanging about ...( I explained to everyone that I could that I was having this test because my cardiologist (at that hospital no names specified though) had cut my groin open twice without the benefit of anesthetic so this test was a better alternative to being brutally tortured by the medical bureaucrat)...and they all seemed very much impressed and sympathetic to my plight....or else they thought I was CRAZY!! Any way following the test I have spent the past 5 days pretty much in bed, just climbing up and down stairs every once in awhile so that I might maintain some minuscule amount of muscle mass and not end up flaccid on the floor.
Getting back to the post title ( I digress!) I decided to check out my little blog and see if anyone had visited and it appeared that my comment widget is dead...snuffed...inadequate....and dysfunctional. I have tried everything to fix it and in fact when I began typing this post (which I do in the H&P style , aka hunt and peck) and after much venting I looked upon my screen to find a whole mass of scribble!!! All this way and that way....almost as if someone while writing had gone mad....and I had to ask myself...I said "self? have gone mad?" and I replied :I don't think so but are we certain and with that I prepared an expedition and discovered that somehow I translated my blog into Telugu! I have no idea where that is and therefore have given up for the night,,,,Thank you for visiting and although I do apologise for the absence of an opportunity to respond...well...you never comment anyway so what the hell!!! Good Night.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Makin Me Laugh...

The crappy thing about hiding inside your house, (that's my own house...not YOUR house!) Is that it can get lonely and boring and kinda....well...sad....anyway I was cleaning up my computer the other day and found this old video when we used to hang out together and be silly.....not that we ever stopped that but...well....you"ll see.   Hope I can do this right\

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Where's Mother?




On July 10th of this year, my tiny, frail, confused Mother closed her eyes, and breathed her last' just moments after my Father had left her. They were married for 63 years. My sister was notified, and was devastated, no matter that she was 90, with every indication screaming that she was at the end of this journey the loss was just as great as if she had been taken in her 30th year of life. My sister broke my heart, describing her precious last moments with my Mom...the 2 of them quietly together in the hospital bed...one, whose pain was now relieved, and one very much alive whose pain was overflowing... She pleaded for her mother not to leave her, because she had promised to wait.


This depth of pain is all so personal, coming from different emotions...love...pain...the yearning for love stolen away, and also for love hoped left to come. My Mother had been stolen from us bit by bit, moment by moment. Events forgotten, experiences forgotten, memories of yesterday gone, while some from 40 years ago popping by in vivid detail. Sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes painstaking, the disease ate away at the very core of my Mother's being and would have horrified her to witness herself. My Father, now 86 and not well himself, took every care to keep my mother at home as long as possible, as did my sister. The very basic needs of life were now theirs to provide, and provide them they did irregardless of the mood or cognition of my mother. Their vigil over her care followed to the Nursing Home as they visited daily, looked after her appearance, her comfort. It is so hard to let go when your invested in keeping someone alive but it seems as though she had made a choice that it was time to leave.



This was for me a time of pain, and heartbreak, but my loss was more from the past...yearning for the tender moments between mother and daughter, the depth of connection that she shared with my sister, I would have traded anything for a small piece of her heart. Ironically, the very disease that took her from us, helped me to find a softer side to her. She became welcoming and physically tender with me in the years before her death, and that is a gift for me that I will forever treasure and cling to.


My sons had a Grandmother who would have challenged an elephant in order to protect them, and Paul, who lives close by to them, was especially close to her. If you looked carefully at him through Mom's eyes, you cloud see a halo over his head! My youngest son was specially excited to have his "cuddles" with "Nana" after I shared with her that he thought she didn't really like him, she took special care to shower him with hugs and kisses, cuddles and quiet times together, something he will never forget.



During the wake there was an open casket initially, and I took the opportunity to give her a final kiss, and held her cold hand. Her body was there but her spirit was long gone. Even though I believe in God, and I believe in the crucifixion, and the love of Christ I had an overwhelming desire to ask ..."Where's my Mother....where has she gone?" My faith used to be so strong, so much a part of me, but I have let it slide underneath the worries
of everyday. So I begin my journey anew so I can be with my Mother again in a place where there is no sadness, no more tears, and no more pain.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Time for Tea?

As you know if you read this blog, I am ill, and have been for a long time...but before Fibromyalgia, I was quite a bit more active than I am now.  My Bi Polar also gave me a bit of an edge on the quirky side of active, but I always imagined that once my kids were raised I would go off on exciting adventures...may be to Africa or somewhere exotic.  Now I'm lucky if I get to walk the trails out in the back acreages behind my house!  Anyway...this new Nestea Commercial is kind of what I had in mind for my older years.....okay I wouldn't jump off a cliff (unless I was suicidal) but check it out and see if it's as close to your retirement plan as it is to mine! Also, as an after thought, diet Nestea (Green) is 0 calories and sweetened with.....No...not aspartame....Splenda :) !!! It is my new cold drink for my sore throat!  Hopefully I will lose some of the weight I gained drinking Canada Dry Ginger Ale :(

It's fun to Worry



Worry, is a pretty all encompassing feeling.  It can be tiny...like how you might worry that you have food between your teeth when you're eating lunch with your new boyfriend....or it can be moderate...as when you spot a police car behind you, and you wonder how many miles over the speed limit you've been driving, and if the police officer in that police car is are having a good /mediocre/ or bad day!  Then there's the really big worry, if you are Casey Anthony and you are sitting in a court room wondering if the 12 people about to determine your life or death fate, were touched by your dry weeping and dry heaving antics yesterday!
Well, now when I think of worrying I have a totally different image in my head, all, or in part due to this wonderfully entertaining commercial!  You have to watch it...even if it's slow to upload...yes I know how frustrating that can be, but trust me...this will put a smile on your face and a giggle in your throat!!! It's better than Valium, which puts you to sleep, and isn't cute at all!! Try it!! 

Monday, June 13, 2011

Mom


The other day I came across this picture of my mother and I remembered being so excited when I got to wear her dress!   It was a strange experience, since I felt really pretty in it, even if I was only "handsome" it made me feel better than that.  Look at her face!!! She's having a wonderful time.  Obvioiusly it's My Dad on the other end of the camera, and they were both so young and filled with hope.  Mom is now 90, and has more recently been moved to a nursing home, her dementia to the point of complete disability....my Dad told me the other evening,that he had been visiting with Mom and he said "she's still a beautiful woman"...that kind of love is very hard to find!


Friday, June 10, 2011

Caylee's nightmare

"Tell me please...on which aisle do you keep the Chloroform?" I don't know about the U.S., but we Canadians don't sell chloroform at the corner store, the grocery store, or even the pharmacy...in fact we have placed Gravol behind the counter occasionally when our youth have become particularly fond of it ...Maya Derkovic, a fellow inmate of Casey's, recalls Casey explaining to her that she had used this as a means to settle Caylee down!! What happened to a cuddle and a lullaby?!!
I can't grasp what it takes to place a wet rag over your child's face until she stops breathing...how long did that take?
Did Caylee look at her mother while she did it? 
Did she struggle against the very arms that were made to cradle her?
Too much to bear.  Death would be a welcome relief for most humans who may "accidentally" harm their children in a moment of craziness, but then to experience guilt/shame you  must have empathy, which of course, being the Psychopath that she is, she does not have. Frightening to think that she might get off, she might get out of jail, she might have another child, and there would be nothing anyone could do to stop her.

Oscar Mayer will be turning in his grave...

What used to be a simple summer staple for lunches, barbecue's and picnics, has now become tainted by another over zealous and endowed congressman who felt it was necessary to "share" his "lunch" with lots of friends!  This "dirty dog" was so lax in his shenanigans as to be outed by a Blogger, much to the shame and embarrassment of all those who know him, and especially those who love him, which is presumably his wife...or maybe now his mother (if she is alive). Although I feel sorry for her, and for his friends, I wouldn't imagine that  this man has too many friends, since his narcissism is glaringly apparent.  The next news break will be that he's gay! Oh well...who needs him! His wife would be far far far better off without him...Thank goodness they don't have children!  Not enough room in that ego for a child.
Now that I've said my little piece, I also would like to thank (heavy sarcasm) Wolf Blitzer of CNN for leaving me with that vulgar image which will now pervade my summers every time we have HOT DOGS for lunch.  Thanks Wolf!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Now there's this: Anthony Weiner, wife reportedly expecting first child

Now there's this: Anthony Wiener, wife reportedly expecting first child
OMG...just when I thought it couldn't get worse....it does!!!  I feel so badly for his wife, this is truly a devastating time for her.  I have heard Dr Drew's warnings about showing this man compassion, and that he feels he could be at risk of harming himself, but I disagree.  This man is far too much in love with himself to take his own life.  If he actually did, it would be out of error not mind, seeking more attention than he has already garnered he might make an attempt, but a final result would be accidental.
Mrs. "Wiener" (that should have been her first clue) has to get down and scrape the bottom of their proverbial barrel, and ask herself one question..."Can I accept that my husband WILL continue to behave badly, and be unfaithful".  It's a simple yes or no...she can or she can't.  It sounds callous I know, but it's the most honest way to approach this.  That way it's not so disappointing when he fails the monogamy test again. Dr.  Phil says..."the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour".Wiener will be the baby's father irregardless of whether or not he lives in the home, or down the block. Where ever he is, that she is honestly most comfortable with, is what she needs to do.  Hanging out with Hillary may not be the best place for her should she choose to set healthy boundaries with her husband (something that I've been useless at).  She needs to be totally clear about what she wants and he must suck it up for as long as it takes! Wow...I'm glad I got that off my chest (clothed)!!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Little Caylee Anthony

Remains identified as missing toddler Caylee Anthony

As Father's Day approaches, another anniversary, this one filled with sadness, approaches, in the form of 3 years since little 2 year old Caylee Anthony's decaying body was found.  Almost 5 weeks from her questionable disappearance, her mother, Casey, advised authorities that her daughter had gone  missing  along with a babysitter, who it soon became aspparent, did not exist.! The tale is a long a winding road to perdition, and not only is the Mother suspect, but additional members of the family are also under suspicion.  The macabre story eeks out over days and weeks in a courtroom, where mother Casey, sits motionless and flat, listening to the forensic accounts of dogs identifying the stench of human decay both in her own car, and beside the children's playhouse in the yard.
She is stoic, while others wince as the sickly sweet scent of human decay is described...a smell now associated with her innocent little child.  What really happened?  The lies this woman (I use that term loosely) has told, fall down around her like a dense curtain waiting to swallow her whole, separating her from the real humans in the jury box..  It's cold where she sits, pale and expressionless.  How could she continue to exist, knowing what she's done?  Leaving her little daughter to rot, while she danced and drank her time away.  I couldn't stand to be alive...to breathe...and yet she smiles!!  The trial is televised and I MUST stop watching it!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Where are the comments?!!

As my sister kindly pointed out to me, in my attempt to "spice up" the comment area of this blog...(the first rearranging I've done in awhile...now I recall why!) I have offered you the opportunity to email this post; share this post on facebook; link this post to who knows what or why; "digg" this post whatever that means, and do virtually anything to it, anywhere, and anyhow BUT .......you cannot make a comment!!!!!!.............I'm working on it!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The beginning

 I was born...........or at least I was told that I was born, on a Thursday in March of 1959. That's all the information that I know of my birth, with the exception of my biological mother not being married, and so she was unable to keep me. I know next to nothing about my biological father, other than he was married...just to somebody else, which isn't much help to a baby!
From then on it all gets rather vague for about 3 months...which when your 8 years old, doesn't seem that long...but when you've had your own children you realize that 3 months is quite a substantial time...filled with diapers and crying, and nursing and crying, and peeing and (yes you guessed) crying...well you get the picture.  I have no idea who was around in the orphanage or where ever I was, to burp me and bathe me and generally love me but I hope someone was.  Anyway, then I was adopted out to a couple who had already adopted one daughter, and they wanted another! I was delivered to them, sight unseen, and there it is...I went from having nothing and nobody to having a Mother, a Father, and a sister!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Hello, How are you,...have you been alright?

Hello....haven't seen you in awhile, and there's a host of reasons for that....distracted by worldwide disaster...packing for end times that didn't come (shoot); worrying about my mother who has recently been admitted to a Nursing Home, but we're the only ones who know that; my father of 86 years young, forgot that he wasn't Bruce Willis, and climbed through the escape hatch of his stalled elevator...pried the doors open, and then proceeded to climb 12 sets of stairs to get into his apartment, whereupon he promptly had a stroke, but didn't feel the need to bother anyone for 2+ days when my sister Angela (who is in running for the sainthood against that sweet little kid, but...hey she's my sister...she gets my vote) flies into action organizing a rescue and  retrieve...Dad was retrieved and taken to hospital while Mom was rescued from being alone even if she wouldn't have noticed. Then I decided that my angina was on overdrive when after an hour and more that 3 doses of nitroglycerine weren't working and off I go to the Hospital in Smith Falls, chauffeured by my Great Friend Berrnice, as she negotiated every dark twist and turn in the road, and chatted with me to keep me calm.  It was only about an hour or 2 into my hospital stay when they decided to keep me, and I watched Bernice's eyelids straining to stay open, when she revealed to me that although she wasn't in bed when my son Matt called for help...she had just taken her sleeping medication!!!!!!!!  I shuffled over and was pretty sure we could both fit on that gurney, but Bernice hung in for another hour, and then much to my dismay, headed out into a woozy night saying "Place me in God's hands"....and so I did!
There's more but...that's for another day!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

6 yr old Kindergarten student brings loaded gun to school...

3 children hurt in Texas elementary school.
I can barely begin to think about this!  4, 5, and 6 year olds sitting down for lunch at their school and suddenly gunfire erupts when a six year old drops a loaded gun out of his pocket!  I don't think I could send my child back to school after that.  My son is still in elementary school, and I try hard not to think about the chances of something devastating happening in our rural schools.  I try to console myself with the thought that we are in the country, so the risks of kids getting hold of a hand gun are considerably reduced.  However, the large majority of our community are either hunters, or know hunters, so there goes my thought process.  I think I should really learn to enjoy soap operas ( Oh they're cancelling those aren't they) or get large print books to read with someone nice to read them to me, or just watch The Waltons, and Road to Avonlea, shutting out the horribly exhausting reality that our world is going to rack and ruin.
I'm going back to bed now!!!

Weathering the Storm

Well I failed in my mission to do "something consistently" and apologize to anyone (I don't think there are any but...) who was disappointed that I temporarily fell off the face of the earth for awhile.  All the causes will probably be revealed, as they always are. in future posts.  But for now I'll just say that combining aged parents, hormonal teens, menopausal sisters and angina along with continued pain, fatigue, depression and DEATH seemingly knocking on both the front and back doors, I've been slightly withdrawn!!!!  It is a strange existence, but the days sometimes fly, and sometimes drag s l o w l y by.  So to summarize....I'm alive, but still a bit banged up, and working my way back up to my  original goal.  Lets see how I do shall we? Thanks for your patience.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

No No Fly Zone

I am soo blessed...as you see in the comment section I have a new friend from Egypt
I am dumfounded and and extremely frustrated that with all the "GREATNESS" the US tells us constantly that they have, and that they can support all these Revolutions, assisting them into the great world of Western Democracy, and the Egyptians said .." no we can do this ourselves.." and they did...now the Libyans have said..."we can do this ourselves BUT could you provide a NO FLY ZONE in order that our civillians are not shot at by the crazed dictator?"....US- oh well we'll see what we can do...we have to meet with 300 other people before we can make a decision and then we'll get back to you and then back to the committiiee of "NO FLY ZONE"who are also  the committee of the "let's charge Gahfi with war crime so we can prosecute him in 10 or 15 years".......I WANT TO TEAR MY FACE OFF I'M SOOOOOO MAD!   They do this over and over and over agina, while people all over the world suffer and die waiting for thwey're bloody meetings to conclude...if they have the definitions right...what defines genocide...what defines mass murder!!! WHAT DEFINES ARROGANCE IS THESE USELESS PIN HEADS WHO ARE TOO AFRAID TO MAKE A DECISION.  THATS WHY THEY HAVE THOSE JOBs ...BECAUSE THEYRE CAPABLE OF DEALING EXPEDITIOUSLY WITH THE TOUGH STUFF;SO GET ON WITH IT...DO YOUR JOBs...DON"T LEAVE YOUR JOURNALISTS OUT THERE DOING THE HARD WORK.

Monday, March 7, 2011

The world's gone crazy

Just in case u haven't noticed, all heck has let loose in this world.  It seems as if Armageddon is upon us, and evil has been unleashed on humanity. If you read my blog you know that I'm a nuuzhound and seldom...actually never has a day passed that my brain isn't glued to CNN and other news stations.  What bothers me right now is the amount of coverage Charlie Sheen is getting when Egypt is still under fire.  My friend in Egypt shared with me that she and her family are having to take cover in their homes as gunfire is heard all around them.  Buildings, such as police stations and the like, are being burned down by government forces in order to destroy documentation that may lead to the arrest and conviction of those who have perpetrated crimes on humanity/war crimes.  The army apparently arrives too late to save these buildings and important documents.  I'm hearing lots about Libya, and Yemen, and the Ivory Coast and Charlie Sheen....but it's as if interest in Egypt has dropped of the map.  What....not sexy enough for us?  People are dying still and we must NOT turn a blind eye to this.  Get on facebook...email CNN and others to ensure that the message gets out. We must not forget them, and continue to pray for their safe deliverance through this terrifying time.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

What a difference a month makes

I can't believe how much has changed, and continues to change, in the middle east and around Africa, in a single month.  The courage that has been displayed is absolutely incredible.  When a group of people can rise up in the streets, tear the asphalt from the ground as a weapon, and take their country back from a vicious dictator in a matter of days is truly a huge moment in history.  A moment that is truly awesome, in the true sense of the word.  I've had the pleasure of meeting a young Egyptian woman through this social media/uprising and I am amazed at the strength and bravery of these young people, who have led the way where there forefathers couldn't. Rana, I can't imagine what it must be like for you to witness, and be a part of such fantastic history.  What stories you will be able to tell your children! It's as if all of North Africa has caught the Freedom Flu, and it's spreading like wildfire.  Although Egypt fell in 18 days, Libya continues to struggle greatly, and I imagine a great ship docking on the coast of Tripoli and everyone gets on board....sails to safety...and then a great bomb is dropped on top of Gadhafi's lair of evil, and blown him apart.  Evil is an intrinsic thing....it slithers around in your brain and flashes out of the eyes...but that man wears his evil on his face as well.  I was telling Rana about my 13 son's experience the other night after 2 bored teenage girls decided to have him arrested for stealing a cell phone.  The officer was one of those "power" police instead of a "people" police, and he took Matt away and locked him in a cell with absolutely no evidence.  I though I would lose my mind I was so upset (not good for my health) until a few hours later when the girls parents called the Police to say they'd "found" the "stolen" phone.  I was devastated...then furious...then relieved...then full of rage...crying...oh my...I was everything, and I still am to a degree.  I told Rana, that I could not imagine being in her place in the middle of a revolution and being a mother with your daughters and sons, and brothers and fathers may be shot down in the street.  God help all those who are struggling and sacrificing sooooo much to obtain the freedoms that we take so lightly.  Finding Freedom is going to be a lengthy process, but if you have God in your heart you have a guide to help your path through all evil temptations that freedom brings. Anyway God Bless All.  

Thursday, February 17, 2011





Miracles
If ever you're in doubt of God's existence...or feel overwhelmed by the clain that science trumps God...well read on!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Whale Hunt suspended...

So it seems that all over the world people are going to extremes to have their causes  recognized.  The newsletter is a thing of the past...makin noise is the quiet protestor....the ones who are energized, and maybe a bit crazy.  This is good news for the whales....maybe the dolphins can get some help too....and maybe the couyntry needs to change up their diet a bit. Is there no Micky D's in Japan?  Maybe I should google that!!!!!!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Hey Pastor?...How'd you know I was coming?!

I went to Church today.
That seems like such an innocuous statement...except for the fact that I've only been to Church twice in the past 1 1/12 years!
Even that may not seem so significant to some, those whose attendance at Church can be measured by decades rather than years.  That was my attendance record for much of my teenage and adult life until, out of the depths of despair, I reached out in desperation and was caught up by the hand of God. It is an experience that I wish all could have.  After that, a fire burned within me, and every moment of my life had purpose...to learn and share God's truth.  It was an exciting time...full of passion and activity. This wasn't just a Sunday thing....this was like breathing...every minute or every moment of every day!
Then how could it be that it's been 11/2 years of abstinence? That's a hard question to answer...many reasons.  Firstly, after being extremely involved in lots of activities/ministries I became ill, and though I continued for awhile, I wasn't physically or emotionally able to be consistent in anything.  I had stopped working several years before, and by then I felt extremely guilty for not being able to function in a reliable way...so I quit, rather than be a disappointment.  Of course quitting was disappointing too and thus began the gradual erosion of my relationship with my Church (who have been awesome despite my failures).  I convinced myself , after awhile, that I was unworthy of my congregation's affections because I had nothing to give them in return...after all "giving is better than receiving...right?! Giving is GREAT....I've loved giving...but receiving is much more painful.  I have experienced allot of pain with respect to receiving, because it involves trust, and I had learned early in life that trust/receiving involves vulnerability and then of course humility.  Vulnerability and humility are pretty scary places to go. So I stopped...going I mean...to Church; Bible study;singing etc! Lucifer has a hay day with those of us who are struggling. We've already plowed the field into which he can sow a multitude of seeds of self doubt and negativity.  We decide that all the parishioner's have nothing better to do with themselves than speculate as to the damnation of our souls as 1 Sunday's absence multiplies into 10! This absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, but rather reinforces our already miserable sense of ourselves, digging us deeper and deeper into the solace that has become our/my lives (life).
It took allot of preparation to ensure I could attend Church today.(That sounds ridiculous, especially as it's location is so near I could throw a rock at it....well not that close...and I'd never throw a rock at it, but you get the point!!!)I won't go into all the gory details, but with all the illnesses I have , I have to basically shut down all operations and stay in bed for 2 days prior in order to make it to anything!!!! I'm totally serious!!
So I go today, and every one's happy to see me,,,and I didn't break into a massive sweat off, and was able to get up and down for each and every song (though it was harder as the service went on).
I closed my eyes and sang too loud....I was home!  But the most amazing thing is that GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!!  As pastor McCraken delivered his homily (with tables...chairs....cutlery..and co-stars!) he spoke a message directly to ME!! He talked about excuses (!!!!!!) and all the things that I needed to hear!!
So THANK YOU PASTOR AND THANK YOU GOD!!!.

Friday, February 11, 2011

MUBARAK STEPS DOWN!!!!!

"FREE EGYPT, FREE EGYPT", is the chant all over Egypt as they hear the announcement that Hosni Mubarak has stepped down and left Cairo.  The people are shouting, and crying in the streets.  These people who in 17 days have brought down a dictatorship of 30 years!!!! Think of what the ramifications of that are in the Middle East! This is nothing short of miraculous, and surely to bring other dictators to their knees!!!!  It is humbling to see so many risk their lives for what we take for granted...our freedom, and a chance to vote.  I wonder what the percentage of population to voter turnout there is in the free Western World.  But I guess that's part of what freedom is....freedom to vote or not to vote?  This reminds me of course, of the political nursery rhyme....
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the kings horses and all the king's men'
Couldn't put humpty together again!
Hosni has been scrambled ...and what is left is to clean up the mess. But first....to CELEBRATE!!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Mubarak's surprise...

After 6 hours of jubilant communion, the Egyptian people gathered in Tahrir Square were assaulted once again by President Mubarak's lies and narcissism in his address to them which was anticipated as  speech of resignation.  A military person of high rank had appeared at Tahrir Square and stated that .."all their demands would be won".Then after a high spirited ,but very long wait, on comes Mubarak. First, he lied about the attacks, and murders perpetrated on his people (ordered by himself) stating that it "broke his heart" and that he would find each attacker and hold them accountable for their behaviour (which wouldn't be hard because cause they're all in his "black" book listed under "h" for hoodlums!)! He talked incessantly about himself and his "Egypt" as though one was the same as the other, and therefore inseparable.  His speech was filled with condescending remarks and the continual references to the "youth" of this movement, and being influenced by outside conspirators, as if they were so "childlike" they certainly couldn't, or wouldn't have come up with this revolution against him on their own. He blamed absolutely everyone, outsiders, television hosts, foreign leaders and non Egyptians smuggled in, all with revolution on their minds  Once finished, the crowd erupted in angry chants and shouts, as defiant and angry as they were jubilant.  They're chanting.."We're not leaving...he's leaving." Within the hour, large groups of people split off from the crowd and began the march to the State Media station, and/or the Palace.  It's going to be a long night in Cairo.  There is suggestion that perhaps this was a plan between Mubarak and the Military to get the protesters so riled up that Mubarak would have to call in the military to restore order. Who knows what the next 24 hours will bring and what truths in history will be told..

Mubarak close to being gone.....

or is he?  Tahrir Square is buzzing with excitement as the rumor (leaked possibly by CIA Director Panetta...stupid stupid stupid!) that President Mubarak is to announce tonight that he will step down.  The next steps are uncertain, and the future is nervously optimistic.  State run TV is running prequels to programming showing the activity in Tahrir Square with the words "Egypt is changing".  The ongoing commentary is compelling, but as I said yesterday, also frustrating, and that continues today with constant references to where Mr. Obama is, and whether or not he will make any statements about this situation.  It continues to be CNN's concensus that the result of this demonstration will be orchestrated by the mighty U.S. and not the Egyptians who have spilled their blood on the streets of Cairo!! What gall!!  But then....just as I'm about to change the channel (yes I do have other channels!) John King.....no ...JOHN KING SAVES THE DAY!  He stops the parlez dead in it's tracks and says....not once but twice....loosely translated...." We must remember that this revolution is the result of the courage and determination of the Egyptian people not the US....this is NOT a US lead uprising".....Oh how I love him!!!! I wish they could take those words and play them as a prequel to all the Cairo coverage.  Maybe the Egyptians wouldn't view westerners quite so negatively if they felt they were getting the respect the duly deserve.
May God Bless You Mr. John King. You are wise and mighty.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Why did Anderson leave Egypt?

I'm glad to report that I'm having a really good day today despite a few hiccups in my plans and activities.  I have been trying to pace myself by doing just a few things each day, while being totally engrossed in the events in the middle east.  I actually watched Aljezeera (spelling?) tonight and their reporting was quite different from CNN's!....what a surprise...so I was wondering, (ever since Anderson Cooper disappeared from the dingy curtain wrapped room of some unnamed hotel near Liberation Square and reappeared back in the warmth and safety of the CNN newsroom) did they think the protests were over... how much of the world's events, disasters, political decision making, is actually shaped by our news consumption rather than merely "reporting" the facts.  How much pressure do politicians feel when the media is either continuously reporting that leaders are NOT doing/saying anything, and/or slant their statements to make them sound oppositional than they were.  I'm sure that the protesters who risked and some who lost their lives were happy to learn that they really didn't have to do all that...all that was needed was a quick call from the President of the United States to get things done!!  I'm certain that not only the protesters, but Mubarak must have been elated to see how quickly US news turned a 30 year dictator into a simpering idiot!!!  The influence that the media has, is frighteningly strong, and the political impact profound...ie.  Donald Trump may be running for President!?...Sarah Palin !?...I rest my case!  Very scary....(Donald Trump just said that China is Americas enemy...and doesn't China basically own the US debt!!!!!!  LOOK OUT EVERYONE>>>>I'M SO GLAD I'M CANADIAN!!!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Cairo is 7 hours ahead of me, and so all is quiet right now, being midnight there....well this is what I assume, but can't confirm, because there are no live feeds from Egypt due to the government crackdown on journalists and foreigners who under threat, and have been arrested, beaten, even kidnapped.  The army soldiers and tanks remain eerily quiet....not shooting at Egyptian demonstrators, but also NOT protecting them from assault by "Pro Mubarak" protesters, who rode into the peaceful crowds on horse and camel back, wielding knives and clubs embedded with nails!  Mubarak stated earlier today that he must stay in power now because of the chaos that is taking over the country....chaos that he himself has created with his thugs...imposing this chaos and brutality on peaceful Egyptian protesters...the people he is supposed to represent.  Tomorrow "Liberation Square" will be the site of a huge demonstration...the results of which will not be witnessed, and the total destruction never truly measured as in Tienanmen Square in China.  It will be a courageous or foolhardy journalist who may venture out of hiding to cover, or rather uncover, the reality of Mubarak's intentions. May God help them all.

Friday, February 4, 2011

It's Friday now and I'm the last one standing....

Matt's asleep (only for the past hour), the dogs are asleep (Dudley's dreaming about squirrels!) and it's 10 to 4 in the morning!!! I'm watching Nic Robertson; Peirs Morgan; and my fave Mr. Anderson, whose reporting has been on loop since midnight which is perfect for me as I'm busy cleaning up, doing laundry, sorting out drawers and shelves, and trying to find my "home" again underneath the rubble of household mess that has accumulated while I've been a non functioning blob!!! Now I know that I'm supposed to be pacing myself, and I have refrained from sweeping, vacuuming, or mopping because those activities are certain to put me on my back within hours of their implementation....( I wonder how much I would have to pay Matt to do that?)
So this is how it goes.....around and around again...I can do nothing for ages, and become daunted by the accumulation of undone tasks that I simply turn around and go back to bed.... and then all of a sudden... seemingly out of the blue...a power surge hits and pain seems manageable with my medicine cabinet closely available.  I don't know how long this will last and how severe the backlash will be, but at least I'll have some clean clothes to wear while I lie in bed for the next month of Sundays!!!!! Internationally, the "Day of Departure" in Liberation Square is underway, and many brave Egyptians are risking their lives to participate in what could be a lethal interaction with the pro Mubarak and the newly arrived "riot" police.
I can't even imagine what it must be like to be so desperately oppressed that you would rather be dead than to continue to function under such a government. One reporter indicated that the average age of the men in Egypt is 23 years old, with the median annual wage being $500.00!..Yeah, I think that might make me feel desperate. The entire Middle East appears as a tinderbox, with Tunisia and Egypt lighting the match.
I hope I'm awake enough to see what happens...guess I should crash (but maybe I'll fold that last load of laundry first)!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

My second promise for 2011 is......

....Not to make promises I might not be able to keep!!!!! The same old same old....take 1 51-2 year "old" woman....add a splash of hormonal instability..combine it with waves of depression, heart disease, and chronic, often debilitating pain and fatigue.....( have I left anything out?)...oh yes....memory problems that often lead to walking in circles around supermarket parking lots...wanting desperately just to give up and walk away from the loaded cart, in favour of some pain meds with a coffee and a 30 minute break (I really really really have wanted to do that soooooo many times) and speech heresy....you know Heme Dopot...that sort of thing spills out of my mouth randomly and makes such perfect sense to me that I just can't understand why the checkout girl, and half the line behind me, are laughing!!!!  Anyway....here I am again...another International Crisis, Egypt, (it's really hard to spell that...I want to put the y in before the g and then i have to change it!) What an amazing mess we humans are in, and how interesting it is to watch as our entire planet seems to be wrestling in the arms of God. I used to be pretty certain that 2012 was just a movie title, but now I'm beginning to wonder.....aren't you? I mean...come on....the snow's so high here the birds are walking to the feeders!!!!
By the way....hey to Ange...thanks for checking in on me!!!!
Remember....I only come out during International Crises!!!!!!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

2011

I didn't die...I just fell of the face of the earth for awhile!  Last year I was ill after the New Year, but this year I decided to get ill at my son's house where my moaning and groaning could be witnessed, and where Matt could engage with hujan beings while I wriggles and writhed aroubnd in my bed pumped up on Gravol, which did little or nothing to relieve my symptoms.  I drove home in this state, with the windows down for the first 2 hours, much to the dismay of my son and my dogs!  The alternative, I told them, would be much nastier than cold air!!! A week later, and I'm still weak, having lost 15 pounds in the process.  There are definitely better ways to lose weight, but I'll take what I can get.  So off to a new year....new challenges,...new revelations...and I'm rooting for a new member of our family to be created!!!  I promise to do better with my postings, which dwindled down to nothing, and probably for the best as emotional pain is difficult to share.  At present I do not want to die, and Iwill hold out hope for a new season to my life.  My mother turned 90 this past month, and though I wouldn't want to be 90, it does leave aspirations to perhaps a second part of my life.  Who knows!!!!