Our now small family of four left England and flew to Canada for a new start....away from my grandfather but also leaving behind everything I had ever known and all my extended family, including my grandmother who I loved dearly.
As we touched down and dis boarded the plane I remember being struck by how big everything was...and the sky seemed to never end! Our first home was a cottage on Lake Erie, which suited me fine! It was right on the water and I swam everyday that I could. My parents made new friends and even they seemed big...larger than life! We were surrounded by nature and even a huge deer head hung on the wall over the fireplace and we used him as a drying rack for our unmentionables and bathing suits!
Not everything was rosy though. My sister and I were teased terribly for our English accents, and that made it hard at school. Even some of the teachers seemed to be unforgiving of our cultural differences, such as using the the term naught instead of zero, lorry instead of truck, and our English penmanship was vertical in nature which was also wrong! Canadians slanted their writing, so we were chastised for all these errors, and subsequently teased.
There was another thing that had followed me to Canada that had resulted from my abuse at the hands of my grandfather and that was sexualized behaviour, totally inappropriate for a girl of 8.
My parents not knowing what I had endured found this to be quite repugnant and I felt their disapproval but didn't quite understand it. I thought that I was "bad" and I suppose I was, but I was confused at the same time. Why was I different from other children my age? Why was I so out of place. I had no way of understanding that my experiences with my grandfather had changed me forever. I didn't think the same way as other kids my age and the older I got the more apparent that was.
Once, at school, after being teased relentlessly and pushed and shoved to the ground over and over again, I attacked my perpetrator, threw her to the ground one recess and proceeded to tear off her clothing and throw it over the fence! It must have been awful for her but I was so enraged that I lost control and that was my revenge...totally inappropriate and I paid a hard price for that! I was attacked even more after that, being thrown onto gravel and dragged, being chased on my bicycle and thrown off into the ditch and beaten. Their revenge was unrelenting and by the end of that year we moved to a different subdivision and a new school. A relief but new bullies were ready to take their place and they did so with gusto!
It took some years to settle in but I did and had "boyfriends" in grades 4 -8, but something else happened by the time I was 12 that changed the game again.
My grandparents had decided to emigrate to Canada as well, and their arrival resulted in a new round of abuse, and a new perspective on my relationships with my family.
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
I pretend I'm sleeping...
At some point my mother, my sister and I, are staying with my grandparents in their apartment back in England. At night after getting ready for bed we're tucked away in bed and Angela's breathing gets slower and slower while mine speeds up. I wait, knowing what's coming next. I finally fall asleep but waken to the sound and smell of breath on my face. Tooth powder and soap, strong smells cover my nervous body. He's here again, touching me again. My body stiffens and I squeeze my legs together as hard as I can. I keep my eyes tightly shut so he thinks I'm asleep. He tugs at the blankets, wool and scratchy wool at that, I try to hold the folds around me clenching my fists on them, but he gets under the covers anyway and begins to stroke my little body. He starts at my chest, fondling me while the nausea fills my throat. Then he slowly moves down but when he starts to fondle between my legs I feign restlessness and quickly roll over. He stops...my breathing is rapid now and he knows I'm awake..he tries again but I make groaning noises and he stops again. Part of me is afraid my sister will waken, but another is terrified that she will. I'm so confused because as much as I felt sick with the wrongness of it, there was a part of me that enjoyed it and that scared me most of all.
He looms over the bed for what seems like forever, but finally leaves and I softly cry myself to sleep.
I'm not sure how long we stayed with them but the pattern never faltered and I thought I was going to have to tell my mother, but she was busy with my grandmother being ill, looking after her, and my father was in Canada so I didn't tell anyone. I was afraid of what might happen. Would there be a big fight or would no one believe me. Where would I have to go? Too many things for me to ponder.
So it continued until my grandmother was better and my father came to England from Canada and we were all going to live in Canada together without my grandparents. I was sad about leaving my grandmother and my Aunts and cousin Penelope and my dear Uncle Stan...but it was a relief to be separated from my grandfather.
He looms over the bed for what seems like forever, but finally leaves and I softly cry myself to sleep.
I'm not sure how long we stayed with them but the pattern never faltered and I thought I was going to have to tell my mother, but she was busy with my grandmother being ill, looking after her, and my father was in Canada so I didn't tell anyone. I was afraid of what might happen. Would there be a big fight or would no one believe me. Where would I have to go? Too many things for me to ponder.
So it continued until my grandmother was better and my father came to England from Canada and we were all going to live in Canada together without my grandparents. I was sad about leaving my grandmother and my Aunts and cousin Penelope and my dear Uncle Stan...but it was a relief to be separated from my grandfather.
Monday, August 7, 2017
Car rides and boiled sweets
I'm older now...I'm not sure how old, but I'm going to school with my sister now, at the convent, and there's another girl on the car that I'm not sure who she is but goes to the same school and rides with us.
For some reason my grandfather picks us up from school, and I'm not sure why but this happens more than once, it is a repetitive scripted event that makes my stomach churn. It starts with the arrangement in the car. My sister and her friend always sit together in the backseat leaving me in the front seat with my grandfather. As we're driving, my grandfather offers us all boiled sweets that he keeps in a tin in his glove compartment which is in front of me. Of course the girls want sweets and I am instructed to get them out and offer them to the girls. It is at this point that the plan begins to take shape. In the moment of offering the sweets I have to physically twist around with the tin and hold it out while they pick. During this time my grandfather slides his hand up my school tunic and to my panties. I am terrified that my sister is going to see what's happening and just want to throw up while he massages my thigh enjoying the whole situation. It only takes a few minutes for them to pick their sweets but it feels like hours. Once they pick I quickly push myself back into my seat and away from his grasp. He tells me to take a sweet which I dutifully do and then he says, speaking to us all but staring at me..." Say Thank you", the girls chime out "thank you" but the words stick in my throat along with the vomit I'm now swallowing. He pursues it again and finally I manage the words and he smiles knowingly at me.
This event plays out enough times as to make is a repetitive and dreaded activity rather than a shocking one time experience. Each time he picks us up it is a dreaded event, evoking nausea and anxiety, wanting to escape or scream but somehow I'm trapped by his stare and the knowing this is secret, wrong, but I'm in it with him. I can still smell the tooth powder he uses and the sound of his breathing which changes whenever he is doing these things to me. It's disgusting, and I am ashamed. To this day I haven't discussed all the things he did to me with my family and it's partly because I'm afraid of their reaction. Will they believe me? Will they think badly of me? In therapeutic sessions I've been able to share most of my experiences and received support from my therapists but it still feels like it's a secret in a way.
Secrets are bad.
Secrets keep you trapped.
For some reason my grandfather picks us up from school, and I'm not sure why but this happens more than once, it is a repetitive scripted event that makes my stomach churn. It starts with the arrangement in the car. My sister and her friend always sit together in the backseat leaving me in the front seat with my grandfather. As we're driving, my grandfather offers us all boiled sweets that he keeps in a tin in his glove compartment which is in front of me. Of course the girls want sweets and I am instructed to get them out and offer them to the girls. It is at this point that the plan begins to take shape. In the moment of offering the sweets I have to physically twist around with the tin and hold it out while they pick. During this time my grandfather slides his hand up my school tunic and to my panties. I am terrified that my sister is going to see what's happening and just want to throw up while he massages my thigh enjoying the whole situation. It only takes a few minutes for them to pick their sweets but it feels like hours. Once they pick I quickly push myself back into my seat and away from his grasp. He tells me to take a sweet which I dutifully do and then he says, speaking to us all but staring at me..." Say Thank you", the girls chime out "thank you" but the words stick in my throat along with the vomit I'm now swallowing. He pursues it again and finally I manage the words and he smiles knowingly at me.
This event plays out enough times as to make is a repetitive and dreaded activity rather than a shocking one time experience. Each time he picks us up it is a dreaded event, evoking nausea and anxiety, wanting to escape or scream but somehow I'm trapped by his stare and the knowing this is secret, wrong, but I'm in it with him. I can still smell the tooth powder he uses and the sound of his breathing which changes whenever he is doing these things to me. It's disgusting, and I am ashamed. To this day I haven't discussed all the things he did to me with my family and it's partly because I'm afraid of their reaction. Will they believe me? Will they think badly of me? In therapeutic sessions I've been able to share most of my experiences and received support from my therapists but it still feels like it's a secret in a way.
Secrets are bad.
Secrets keep you trapped.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
Scaramucci is GONE!
Trump and Saramucci break the record for most short lived communications director of all time! Just 11 fun filled days and the stinking fish head is gone! What a shock it must have been for that narcissistic showboat to find out he had sold his business and given up all ( including wife, although I think she gave him up) to find his career cut EXTREMELY short...11 days...11DAYS...and they were long days at that. He consumed the MSM for the entire time with his brash and totally inappropriate behaviour...much akin to his boss who he love, love, loved!! This bromance could have gone on a lot longer had it not been for the incoming chief of staff who I'm certain said him or me! Plus it has been mentioned that, much like Spicer, ScareY Moochi was having entirely too much air time than the president!
Well here's to the Generals, may they serve well and long in this administration and may they put trump into a veritable choke hold until the end of his presidency in 3 1/2 years or sooner!
Well here's to the Generals, may they serve well and long in this administration and may they put trump into a veritable choke hold until the end of his presidency in 3 1/2 years or sooner!
Saturday, July 29, 2017
Fibro Finale
This past month has been excruciating, with the weather being so wet, and trying to keep up the house between floods and trees falling, the stress has peaked my pain threshold to maximum. Being the only adult in the house means when I'm struck down with pain, nothing gets done. My physical stamina has been drastically diminished from years of reduced activity, and when I have a good day I tend to over do it to catch up from all the bad days and then that inevitably results in a crash, which means NO energy, as if sedated, LOTS OF PAIN, all over my body, muscles and deep bone aches.
I'm having difficulty motivating my 20 year old to do anything to help! Cutting grass and cleaning up after himself is a constant battle which when confronted results in a huge fight so I walk on tender hooks trying to be diplomatic but there is no diplomacy left, only consequences, like taking the car away, which again means war is declared.
I don't know how to get help anymore. I just watch as things fall apart, things that I would never have allowed before becoming ill are now standard practice like the house being a mess. I am embarrassed when my son brings his friends in...I don't understand how he has such little pride as to let them see the squalor his room is in.
I suppose this is when you start to scrape the bottom of the barrel! When you really begin to think "is this what it's going to be like forever? Is it going to get worse? How can I possibly get out of this situation ?"
I have no answers anymore...no cute little sayings to sweep the truth under the rug. It seems pretty hopeless to me.
I'm having difficulty motivating my 20 year old to do anything to help! Cutting grass and cleaning up after himself is a constant battle which when confronted results in a huge fight so I walk on tender hooks trying to be diplomatic but there is no diplomacy left, only consequences, like taking the car away, which again means war is declared.
I don't know how to get help anymore. I just watch as things fall apart, things that I would never have allowed before becoming ill are now standard practice like the house being a mess. I am embarrassed when my son brings his friends in...I don't understand how he has such little pride as to let them see the squalor his room is in.
I suppose this is when you start to scrape the bottom of the barrel! When you really begin to think "is this what it's going to be like forever? Is it going to get worse? How can I possibly get out of this situation ?"
I have no answers anymore...no cute little sayings to sweep the truth under the rug. It seems pretty hopeless to me.
Sunday, July 9, 2017
The Wrath of Don
Trump has turned the page on the 1st Amendment by suggesting in a video retweet that it would be his wish to take down a CNN journalist and smack him/her down. He then followed up on that idea by stating in a speech to veterans that the media is trying to "shut us down" but they won't because "I'm the President and they're not"! What exactly does that mean in combination with his call to his followers to beat down the media? It reeks of censorship! If you're a friend of Trump and groom his ego you get airtime and mention. If you push him to explain his decisions, activities, multiple investigations, you are subject to the wrath of Don!This behaviour is eerily familiar. Censoring the press (which is his ultimate goal) taunting "Fake News" to his followers like a cult leader to his Trumpsters, who readily taunt the term over and over again refusing to properly debate the facts ... If you get even close to pinning them down they just cry "Fake News" or change the subject!
The use of social media over a free press is nonsense. That's not getting the message out to his people its summarizing, in 140 characters or less, a statement or taunt without the benefit of scrutiny or even explanation of the meaning of these oft times strange messages.
These messages, a small percentage of them being announcements, are mostly filled with rhetoric and accusations which will forever be documented as he goes down in history as being the least articulate president ever to hold office! School children will be exposed to these tweets as official records!
Gone are the days of remarkable, inspirational orators,raising the worlds consciousness. Instead they will see name calling, bullying, and downright vile thoughts tossed into the political atmosphere without caution or concern. As Melania Trump lays claim to her anti bullying campaign her husband remains the king of bullies, like a grade schooler, he lowers himself to name calling, and mimicking.
The biggest fear in this downright bizarre situation is that he will bully a bully who holds the key to some nuclear or chemical weapons and uses them on the innocents the president has upheld to represent. He has no self control, no insight into his own narcissistic behaviour!
The saddest thing is that the very people who helped to elect him, along with Russia, are the very same people who will suffer the most by his decisions. Tax cuts for the rich, incentives to businesses, (Trump has yet to move his clothing companies and his daughters handbags back to be manufactured in the USA) reduction in healthcare and Medicaid which he promised not to touch, leave the most vulnerable out to dry under his leadership.
It is no wonder that the leaders of foreign countries are confused and bemused by this characature of a man who has accidentally come to represent the leader of the free world.
#SAD
The use of social media over a free press is nonsense. That's not getting the message out to his people its summarizing, in 140 characters or less, a statement or taunt without the benefit of scrutiny or even explanation of the meaning of these oft times strange messages.
These messages, a small percentage of them being announcements, are mostly filled with rhetoric and accusations which will forever be documented as he goes down in history as being the least articulate president ever to hold office! School children will be exposed to these tweets as official records!
Gone are the days of remarkable, inspirational orators,raising the worlds consciousness. Instead they will see name calling, bullying, and downright vile thoughts tossed into the political atmosphere without caution or concern. As Melania Trump lays claim to her anti bullying campaign her husband remains the king of bullies, like a grade schooler, he lowers himself to name calling, and mimicking.
The biggest fear in this downright bizarre situation is that he will bully a bully who holds the key to some nuclear or chemical weapons and uses them on the innocents the president has upheld to represent. He has no self control, no insight into his own narcissistic behaviour!
The saddest thing is that the very people who helped to elect him, along with Russia, are the very same people who will suffer the most by his decisions. Tax cuts for the rich, incentives to businesses, (Trump has yet to move his clothing companies and his daughters handbags back to be manufactured in the USA) reduction in healthcare and Medicaid which he promised not to touch, leave the most vulnerable out to dry under his leadership.
It is no wonder that the leaders of foreign countries are confused and bemused by this characature of a man who has accidentally come to represent the leader of the free world.
#SAD
Thursday, June 29, 2017
Insurance/contractor nightmares ( I need some balls )
Last year I had the opportunity to access a program to help low income home owners address issues in their homes which may cause them to have to move out. Don't get me wrong they don't come in and "renovate" your home, it's very specific and only the major issues under a certain budget get addressed and over 10 years you have a loan and lien on your house. I live in a small village of 1000 where most of the houses are older ( mine was built in 1880) and every spring the rows upon rows of sump pump hoses line the streets as homeowners deal with the inevitable. My home is no different, so when I accessed this program I spoke to the contractor I had chosen about making sure the new furnace I was getting was elevated, maybe suspended from the rafters, to keep it safe from water issues. At first he said it couldn't be done as my basement is not full height and I asked for it to be raised at least as high as my previous furnace. I was on a waiting list from the fall 2016 into mid January 2017. They lent us a heater to help with the cold while we waited. Once the job was completed the furnace had been placed on maybe 2 inch slabs! I said that I was concerned but the job was done. Then comes April downpours and my basement floods like everyone's did and my beautiful new furnace sinks under the cold icy water and my house fills up with propane! I've never heated with propane and it terrified me...I waded around in the basement and hooked up a fan to try to blow it out all the while expecting to be blown up! I realize this event was not typical weather but what is typical weather these days? So my concerns born out I contact the insurance company and begin the task of quotes. I contacted my original contractor who then told me the furnace could probably by hung from the rafters but it wouldn't be covered by the insurance company because it would represent a change from the original set up and would increase the cost by $700.00! Sooooo I could have had it raised in the first place but I think my contractor ( who seems to be a nice enough guy) was more afraid of losing the bid than my concerns over possible flooding!!! We're still in the process of finalizing this endeavour and even though I'm a woman I'm intending to pursue it to the bitter end even though I will most likely lose out. It sucks being a woman in these scenarios because if you're not a bitch in the first place you're a sucker in the end. I have often said that one day I will buy myself a penis just to carry with me in case I need more balls...maybe that time is now!
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Wren update!
This morning after my dogs woke me for their morning constitutional I sat down with my coffee and gazed out the window to check on my wren family but something was different.
Since April the business of birds had been to nest, lay, hatch and feed, all under the watchful eye of the parents, chattering orders to each other at every step of the way. Mom and Dad frequently tag teaming, feeding larvae and insects into the dark hole of the bird box, disappearing inside, then within seconds flying off with baby bird poop in their mouths (yuk!) to procure more tasty morsels for their unseen, but loud little babies.
As I looked closely at the "black hole" of the wren house this morning there was a little face, followed by another little face above it! Over the course of the next hour more faces appeared and a great deal of pushing and shoving ensued. Eventually one little face pushed himself to the front and bumbled around trying to get his body out of the small hole without tumbling to the ground. First the head, then a foot waved around looking for something to cling too...push, push...push...then POP...his whole body appeared on the outside of the box he'd called home for 2 months. He looked surprised! Gazing around nervously, #1 seemingly wondered "okay what's next?". He looked up, he peered down, and seemed undecided as to what to do. His decision was made for him when wren #2 pushed himself out of the box knocking his brother off the perch! Amazingly #1 flew off the box as if he'd been doing it everyday! He landed on the vines on my deck much to his parents dismay as they chirped wildly at him ( I wondered what they were saying...as parents we all know the terrifying moment when we have to let go of our children to learn from their own mistakes). Meanwhile, back at the box, #2 was already on the perch and hopped on top of the bird box to get a better vantage point! Within seconds, during which #3 was almost out of the hole, wren #2 flew off in the opposite direction from #1!!!
As the parents became more frantic the mass exodus continued, rapidly producing 5 infant wrens in total over a period of just a few minutes! When it's time to go, it seems they go quickly! ( unlike human children!)
So my little bird drama is over for the moment, and the nest in my honeysuckle bush?...it's empty
now too! The wrens will stake out another nesting area for their second round before the season ends, so I will continue to see and hear these chattering little birds until the end of the season when they will fly off to warmer climates (smart little birds!) and I will replace the old wren house with a newer, prettier version. They deserve a renovation for all the joy they bring me!
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
The wonders of Wrens
I am unabashedly, a bird lover. Wild birds, pet birds, injured birds, well birds, hungry birds, fat birds, I love them all. I love to watch their quirks, their comings and goings, their flirting, their nesting, their parenting skills and the feeling of sadness when they head off to warmer climates and the world becomes many voices quieter.
Of all my garden birds my favourite is the little spunky, saucy tail up, common house wren! That may seem strange when there are so many more "flashy" birds to choose from, but when I hear my little wrens chattering in the spring I can only smile a big smile and think "they're back! Yeah!"
My house wrens have been nesting in my garden for 22 years, establishing their territory and growing in number throughout that time. I live right next to a forest and actually since I've been ill my "garden" has become a bit shall we say "wild". Although my neat flower gardens, vegetable garden, and pond are no longer, my berry bushes, trees, and lots of fragrant shrubs have made this corner of my world very attractive to birds ( and I feed them!which helps!).
As I have mentioned in other posts, I became ill back in 2003, and most of my energy now is focused on the most basics of life, and dealing with constant pain which is very tiring. Whereas I used to be out in the garden everyday possible, now I spend more time in the house. I used to erect a screened gazebo every year and feed and watch the birds from there, I now have a window by the couch where I sit and watch as the world goes by, so I had a brilliant idea! I mounted a wren house on a pole right outside my window! Best idea I've had in a long time as this has brought me much joy as I have a front row seat to the busy nature and highly protective qualities of these tiny chattering birds.
In cleaning out their nest this spring I came across a wide variety of nesting materials which included pine needles, feathers, some branches and amazingly a few large screws and nails which certainly must be decrorative because they're shiny and I can't see how comfortable they would be!! But maybe
they were trying to fix this old house as it is in great need of renovating ( a replacement was in the plan but they came home earlier than expected).
I love witnessing the focus spent on choosing their nesting materials. They are very stubborn birds and fly in with branches 4 times too big to be moved through their nest box hole! They try and try over and over again, dropping the branches and flying down to retrieve them. Eventually they satisfied and begin the task of egg laying which obviously is Mom's job but after that Mom and Dad are equally invested in the parenting and guarding their babies. One wren flies in relieving the other to go in search of food and on it goes like a well oiled machine. They chatter in their wren language
And alert each other when anything seems threatening, like our dogs bounding around rambunctiously, or me trying to get a great photograph ( not ) of them. When it's really hot they perch on the roof of the house (which has a split in it ) and flap their wings rapidly in an effort to cool the house down ( always make sure there's water nearby that they can drink and share with the little ones.
It may seem silly, but watching them has become a big part of my day and I worry when it's hot, cold, or wet!
When they finally leave for the season I hope they are safe and miss they're presence in my garden.
But I know they will be back, or they're little ones will be back to nest somewhere else in the area next year.
A bird in the hand is worth 9 in the bushes?
As I mentioned before my poor garden has gone wild since my illness starting back in 2003. My lilac bushes are now at least 10 ft. high along with my honeysuckle bushes. I had decided that this was the year to trim them back, especially one of my honeysuckles, which has grown so high that it covers my window! I wanted to wait until they had flowered so the bees and I could enjoy their beautiful scent and flowers. There's nothing quite like it. But now I have a problem! Another wonderful delay! I peeked out my window and in the middle of all those branches sits a little nest overflowing with hungry chicks, mouths open leaning perilously close to the edge and risking falling out in an effort to be the first one to eat!
I've been trying to get a photograph of them but once Mom noticed me at the window she flew away with a juicy worm hanging from her beak and hasn't returned yet so I certainly don't want to interfere with dinner!
So it looks as if my yard will have to undergo some inspection into each bush to choose which ones are uninhabited and which have little tenants! As much as those shrubs need trimming I hope I find some more tenants too!
Wren update: my wren's eggs hatched a few weeks ago which means a flurry of activity is going on outside another window! Like a relay race the parents fly in with food and wait for the exit of the other who has fed the chicks and leaves with clean up duty while the other sits with an insect in his mouth. Efficiency to the max!
So while I continue in my life of isolation I have my dogs and nature's gifts to lift my spirits. Okay it's not the same as real human relationships but they have few expectations and don't care if I'm too ill to meet a prior plan. No ones disappointed and my pups just curl up with me until I'm well enough to take them on an new adventure!
I've been trying to get a photograph of them but once Mom noticed me at the window she flew away with a juicy worm hanging from her beak and hasn't returned yet so I certainly don't want to interfere with dinner!
So it looks as if my yard will have to undergo some inspection into each bush to choose which ones are uninhabited and which have little tenants! As much as those shrubs need trimming I hope I find some more tenants too!
Wren update: my wren's eggs hatched a few weeks ago which means a flurry of activity is going on outside another window! Like a relay race the parents fly in with food and wait for the exit of the other who has fed the chicks and leaves with clean up duty while the other sits with an insect in his mouth. Efficiency to the max!
So while I continue in my life of isolation I have my dogs and nature's gifts to lift my spirits. Okay it's not the same as real human relationships but they have few expectations and don't care if I'm too ill to meet a prior plan. No ones disappointed and my pups just curl up with me until I'm well enough to take them on an new adventure!
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Pre War Syria - http://www.the-dialogue.com A week in Pre War Syria
Pre War Syria
I have had some disturbing conversations on Twitter which lead me to believe that the ignorance of pre war Syria is so great that some people forget that Syria was not always a pile of rubble filled with starving, injured, dirty and bloodied people clamouring for just a piece of the world's attention between the never ending discussion of which Trump tweet is most telling of the imbecile behind it.
Believe it or not I've had tweet conversations where the other twit, I don't mean tweeter, is crying foul on the aftermath of sarin gas attacks on innocent Syrians claiming that they are all acting!? It is completely fake says one..."Fake news" cries another, all in some devious plan to garner access to America so they can blow them all up!
When the international news carried the story focused on the little Syrian girl who pleaded with the world,via cell phone, for help, one women attacked me with the notion " how would this child get a cell phone account"! "The same way your child did!" I replied.
The idea that Syria is some land so far behind the Western world that cell phones have never been available to them, or that that they have always lived amongst rubble and chaos, seems to be a generalized thought with no consideration that Syria was once a city with apartment buildings, stores, roads, communities similar to our own. Certainly living under a Dictatorship has its consequences, and Bashir Al Assad has spent most of the countries money on his own desires and those of his wife, leaving his people to live without many of the things we Westerners don't even think about, like clean streets. It costs money to clean streets, money Assad would rather spend elsewhere so dirty streets were the norm! We would all have dirty streets if our government didn't act on the needs of its people and PAY workers to clean them! The women on the other end of my "Twitter war" would not be lining up to volunteer her time to clean them I guarantee you!
If you are the least bit curious as to what Pre War Syria was like I forward you to a great essay, not a
sound bite, dealing with this issue which will help to dispel some of the misinformation flooding our
twitter feeds and news broadcasts. You can read it at http://www.the-dialogue.com A week in Pre War
Syria.
I have had some disturbing conversations on Twitter which lead me to believe that the ignorance of pre war Syria is so great that some people forget that Syria was not always a pile of rubble filled with starving, injured, dirty and bloodied people clamouring for just a piece of the world's attention between the never ending discussion of which Trump tweet is most telling of the imbecile behind it.
Believe it or not I've had tweet conversations where the other twit, I don't mean tweeter, is crying foul on the aftermath of sarin gas attacks on innocent Syrians claiming that they are all acting!? It is completely fake says one..."Fake news" cries another, all in some devious plan to garner access to America so they can blow them all up!
When the international news carried the story focused on the little Syrian girl who pleaded with the world,via cell phone, for help, one women attacked me with the notion " how would this child get a cell phone account"! "The same way your child did!" I replied.
The idea that Syria is some land so far behind the Western world that cell phones have never been available to them, or that that they have always lived amongst rubble and chaos, seems to be a generalized thought with no consideration that Syria was once a city with apartment buildings, stores, roads, communities similar to our own. Certainly living under a Dictatorship has its consequences, and Bashir Al Assad has spent most of the countries money on his own desires and those of his wife, leaving his people to live without many of the things we Westerners don't even think about, like clean streets. It costs money to clean streets, money Assad would rather spend elsewhere so dirty streets were the norm! We would all have dirty streets if our government didn't act on the needs of its people and PAY workers to clean them! The women on the other end of my "Twitter war" would not be lining up to volunteer her time to clean them I guarantee you!
If you are the least bit curious as to what Pre War Syria was like I forward you to a great essay, not a
sound bite, dealing with this issue which will help to dispel some of the misinformation flooding our
twitter feeds and news broadcasts. You can read it at http://www.the-dialogue.com A week in Pre War
Syria.
Moon Over Matter
Many people scoff at the idea that a full moon affects the behaviour of people, but those of us lucky enough to work in a hospital know that a full moon will mean a busy night for all concerned.
Working as a nurse I watched firsthand the change in number of incidents compared to waxing or waning moons and the full moon phenomenon. Especially in emergency medicine where the increase in admissions and odd behaviours of some patients increased 10 fold with the fullness of the moon!
One particular night after doing rounds on a surgical ward in the dark with our flashlights, we received a phone call from security saying a patient had reported a fire in her room. We immediately sped into action, fire extinguisher in hand, running down to the room where the fire reportedly was. We entered the room quickly checking the patient, who was asleep, and every corner of the room, but no fire. We returned to a quick round then back to the nurses station to continue our paperwork. Within 10 minutes we received another phone call from security issuing the same information from the same room! We asked them to check their switchboard while dashing again to the room as described. Again no fire...patient asleep...we moved the phone away from the bed, checked it, checked everything and all was okay. Not to repeat myself, but I must as we received a 3rd call and now we were really spooked.
One particular night after doing rounds on a surgical ward in the dark with our flashlights, we received a phone call from security saying a patient had reported a fire in her room. We immediately sped into action, fire extinguisher in hand, running down to the room where the fire reportedly was. We entered the room quickly checking the patient, who was asleep, and every corner of the room, but no fire. We returned to a quick round then back to the nurses station to continue our paperwork. Within 10 minutes we received another phone call from security issuing the same information from the same room! We asked them to check their switchboard while dashing again to the room as described. Again no fire...patient asleep...we moved the phone away from the bed, checked it, checked everything and all was okay. Not to repeat myself, but I must as we received a 3rd call and now we were really spooked.
There's nothing like wandering around a hospital ward in the dark with just flashlights checking bodies for movement or absence of ! Patients find it frustrating, nurses find it spooky because no one looks "well" under the glow of a flashlight! As we rounded the opposite side of the ward there was a sign! A poopie line exiting the exact opposite room from the room the calls were supposedly coming from. The bed rails were up ..bed empty...following a streaky trail we found our patient scooting around the corner on her bottom! She told us there was a fire in her room and she was escaping! Somehow the phone system had switched the line over in a mirror image of the ward!? It took quite some time to convince our athletic patient that there was no fire and exhausted after we cleaned her up, she finally agreed to return to bed and stay there. We unhooked her phone and checked her every
15 min till she slept. I don't know how the lines got switched but it was one of the spookiest night shifts I ever worked! Blame it on the moon!!!
15 min till she slept. I don't know how the lines got switched but it was one of the spookiest night shifts I ever worked! Blame it on the moon!!!
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| The magic of the Moon |
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Happy Father's Day to my eldest sons
My eldest sons are celebrating Fathers Day today too. They have grown up to be GREAT DADS, showering my 5 grandchildren with love and affection.
Though they are frequently tired juggling work and parenthood, struggling through looking after sick little ones only to get sick themselves ( don't we all remember those days) they soldier on focusing on the good things rather than the struggles. It's fun to watch them balance their lives and see their hearts swell with love and pride for there little ones ( Grace isn't so little anymore!) .
Here's to Fatherhood! The most important and challenging job they will ever have.
Happy Father's Day boys! ❤️
Fathers Day
Happy Fathers Day to all Dads! My Father is 92 this year, and although he can't recall much of the present time, he still has his long term memory and likes to regale stories in the past. I live some 5 hours away so I don't see him very much, but try to call him weekly. I'm not usually successful because he sleeps a lot now and it's a challenge to reach him. He's in a Nursing Home, but my sister is always around to take him out and look after his every need. Thank God for her!
My Dad has always been the most intelligent man I know. When we would watch Jeopardy he knew all the answers before the contestants did...he could have made a fortune.
In school he graduated a year early and as a result had to wait to start medical school because he was too young! He practiced medicine for almost 60 years!
I was the boy he didn't get, but he made up for it by believing he could make me into a professional tennis star!!! From the age of 10 to 18 we practised regularly and most winters started every Sunday at 7 am in a freezing tennis club...the first ones there got to put on the heaters! Although as the years passed it was obvious I was no Yvonne Goolagong ( my fav) Dad pressed on! I was hopelessly afraid of competition although I played quite well in the end, I always froze when the pressure was on. Poor Dad, a dream lost!
He also turned my oldest boys into pretty good golfers and spent many hours on the golf course with them from an early age. Although they were technically too young to be on the course he would put them in the golf cart as caddies then once on the course have them play!
Dad did a lot of Fathering for me, my sister, and my sons. I will always be greatful to him for the love and support he has shown us all. Happy Father's Day Dad!
My Dad has always been the most intelligent man I know. When we would watch Jeopardy he knew all the answers before the contestants did...he could have made a fortune.
In school he graduated a year early and as a result had to wait to start medical school because he was too young! He practiced medicine for almost 60 years!
I was the boy he didn't get, but he made up for it by believing he could make me into a professional tennis star!!! From the age of 10 to 18 we practised regularly and most winters started every Sunday at 7 am in a freezing tennis club...the first ones there got to put on the heaters! Although as the years passed it was obvious I was no Yvonne Goolagong ( my fav) Dad pressed on! I was hopelessly afraid of competition although I played quite well in the end, I always froze when the pressure was on. Poor Dad, a dream lost!
He also turned my oldest boys into pretty good golfers and spent many hours on the golf course with them from an early age. Although they were technically too young to be on the course he would put them in the golf cart as caddies then once on the course have them play!
Dad did a lot of Fathering for me, my sister, and my sons. I will always be greatful to him for the love and support he has shown us all. Happy Father's Day Dad!
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Garden Goes Wild!
The other day I was cleaning out my barrel deck pond and came a cross a nest at the bottom of the barrel. I wasn't surprised since last year we found a mouse nest in there. I gently disturbed the material and all of a sudden instead of a mouse the whole ball of fuzz started to undulate and then little bumble bees began to crawl out and fly around, buzzing angrily! They were so cute and small but perfect little bees. I knew if they stung me neither of us would be happy. I'd be stung and they'd be dead, so I left it alone for several hours so they could move on.
My yard used to be a garden that I had built up from nothing, including multiple flowerbeds, a huge vegetable garden and lilac bushes and honeysuckle around the perimeter to cover the metal fence I had installed. I had a beautiful pond, with a fire pit off to the side. I spent hours and hours each day from spring to fall adding more and more perennials, looking after my fish and wondering at the giant bullfrogs, who incedentally ate some of my fish! The goldfish were breeding which was wonderful to see these tiny brown fish grow into golden shiny gems hiding underneath the huge waterlilies which bloomed in yellow then turned pink! I had little white lights in the bushes and torches to light the pathways to the pond and fire pit.
Once a saweet owl (tiny) landed in front of me with a mouse in its talons and I sat quietly in the dark and watched as he had his dinner within feet of me. Amazing!
Since I've been ill, the "garden" is no longer and is now a wild yard, which is sad, but also I've noticed that the wilder it becomes the more we are visited by nature. Hence the bee nests, of which I'm sure there are many more than the one I found. If you read my apple tree post you'll hear why I think that.
Bees are facinating little insects, and so cute and round. Apparently they burrow underground using old rodent holes to overwinter although some die off. So my greatest thing I miss is my pond but the increase in birds and butterflies chipmunks helps to ease the pain!
My yard used to be a garden that I had built up from nothing, including multiple flowerbeds, a huge vegetable garden and lilac bushes and honeysuckle around the perimeter to cover the metal fence I had installed. I had a beautiful pond, with a fire pit off to the side. I spent hours and hours each day from spring to fall adding more and more perennials, looking after my fish and wondering at the giant bullfrogs, who incedentally ate some of my fish! The goldfish were breeding which was wonderful to see these tiny brown fish grow into golden shiny gems hiding underneath the huge waterlilies which bloomed in yellow then turned pink! I had little white lights in the bushes and torches to light the pathways to the pond and fire pit.
Once a saweet owl (tiny) landed in front of me with a mouse in its talons and I sat quietly in the dark and watched as he had his dinner within feet of me. Amazing!
Since I've been ill, the "garden" is no longer and is now a wild yard, which is sad, but also I've noticed that the wilder it becomes the more we are visited by nature. Hence the bee nests, of which I'm sure there are many more than the one I found. If you read my apple tree post you'll hear why I think that.
Bees are facinating little insects, and so cute and round. Apparently they burrow underground using old rodent holes to overwinter although some die off. So my greatest thing I miss is my pond but the increase in birds and butterflies chipmunks helps to ease the pain!
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
My Life: Secrets and lies
I was 4 When I started school, and I think my sister was already going to the convent by then as she's a little older than me. I mention this only to get a perspective on time because it's difficult to know how old I was exactly when the "trouble" began in earnest. I know I was small because his hands were so big. That sounds like such an obvious thing to say about being a child compared to being a man but it's a funny thing about memory, what leaves its mark in your brain and what fades as quickly as it happened! Our memories of events and time are all jumbled up and even when 2 people have experienced something together, like growing up together, we all have different perceptions of what that time was like. We come to it through our own individual lens.
In the beginning my relationship between my grandfather and myself seemed normal and affectionate
as far as I know. My sister didn't like to be cuddled or tickled so I got all that attention and at first it all seemed good but at some point in time, I'm not exactly sure how old I was, things became a bit more nefarious. The tickling progressed in intensity and the areas he tickled changed from simple waist and stomach, to my chest area, squeezing my bottom and running his hands up and down my thighs to the crotch of my panties. I remember being very confused because I loved my grandfather very much, but every time these events occurred, and the more often they occurred, I began feeling sick to my stomach, but I wasn't sure why. One of my clearest memories is of being out on my
grandparents terrace that overlooked a small lawn and then a garden with gooseberry bushes in it. I had been running around and my mother and grandmother were both in the house. As I ran past my grandfather he reached out and caught me, pulling me into his side as he sat in a deckchair. At first he was tickling me with his big hands and I was giggling. He had me by the waist and put his right hand on my thigh, running it up and down my leg several times but then he went higher and quickly he pushed his finger into me. I screamed loudly, and cried out and he quickly released me. I was inconsolable and when my mother and grandmother ran out to see what had happened my grandfather began to explain that I had been bitten by a ladybug? I was holding myself and I wept while he stared
at me and tried to pull me in to appear to be comforting me. I knew by the look on his face that I was in trouble. My mother tried to console me but she felt I was making a lot of fuss over a little bite and she began to be angry with me too. Looking back this was a pivotal point for me. I never said a word. I just cried and my grandmother took me inside to wipe my face and look for the bite mark which of course there was none which furthered the frustration over my apparent hysteria over nothing! A natural response really. Looking back something changed in me that day.
I felt suddenly alone for the first time.
I was trapped in a web of secrets and lies that I didn't really understand.
In the beginning my relationship between my grandfather and myself seemed normal and affectionate
as far as I know. My sister didn't like to be cuddled or tickled so I got all that attention and at first it all seemed good but at some point in time, I'm not exactly sure how old I was, things became a bit more nefarious. The tickling progressed in intensity and the areas he tickled changed from simple waist and stomach, to my chest area, squeezing my bottom and running his hands up and down my thighs to the crotch of my panties. I remember being very confused because I loved my grandfather very much, but every time these events occurred, and the more often they occurred, I began feeling sick to my stomach, but I wasn't sure why. One of my clearest memories is of being out on my
grandparents terrace that overlooked a small lawn and then a garden with gooseberry bushes in it. I had been running around and my mother and grandmother were both in the house. As I ran past my grandfather he reached out and caught me, pulling me into his side as he sat in a deckchair. At first he was tickling me with his big hands and I was giggling. He had me by the waist and put his right hand on my thigh, running it up and down my leg several times but then he went higher and quickly he pushed his finger into me. I screamed loudly, and cried out and he quickly released me. I was inconsolable and when my mother and grandmother ran out to see what had happened my grandfather began to explain that I had been bitten by a ladybug? I was holding myself and I wept while he stared
at me and tried to pull me in to appear to be comforting me. I knew by the look on his face that I was in trouble. My mother tried to console me but she felt I was making a lot of fuss over a little bite and she began to be angry with me too. Looking back this was a pivotal point for me. I never said a word. I just cried and my grandmother took me inside to wipe my face and look for the bite mark which of course there was none which furthered the frustration over my apparent hysteria over nothing! A natural response really. Looking back something changed in me that day.
I felt suddenly alone for the first time.
I was trapped in a web of secrets and lies that I didn't really understand.
Friday, June 9, 2017
London Bridge terror attack
This past Friday night I was perusing my collection of tiny house videos when I decided to check in to CNN for my regular world chaos update. The bold "BREAKING NEWS" banner flashed across the screen, which no longer spikes my heart rate as "Breaking news" can be news that broke several days prior, however this was different and it soon became apparent that I was watching history in the making as video images of the London Police vans, and pictures of individuals on the ground, people running, some partially clad, through the streets, directed by armed police ( unusual for Britain) . The news commentator announced that the carnage I was witnessing had killed 8 people, injured many more and resulted in the shooting of 3 terrorists all in the space of 8 minutes. Further news reported that people had been stabbed in the nearby market and at least one victim was being cared for by a group of people hiding in place in a restaurant. Another witness spoke of seeing a woman jump off the bridge and I still don't know what happened to her.
My heart fell for the people of Britain. How much more can my mother country take. Westminster, Manchester and London all attacked within a short period of time seems surreal.
What is happening to this world? So much hate is hard to fathom. Viewing images of victims in various stages of injury from minor to absolutely obscene. How can human beings perpetrate such evil on innocents. The lower chart is taken from Wikipedia reviewing the incidents that England has suffered. My heart goes out to all the victims and their families, and I hope that those who are still lost are found quickly for their families sake.
The United Kingdom has suffered greatly in the past few years and most recently 3 attacks in 3 months.
April 1999 David Copeland bombing- 3 dead-139 injured
July 7-2005-London Underground and Double Decker bus bombings - 50 killed-100s injured
May 22-2013-stabbing of Lee Rigby
Dec 5-2015-Muhaydin Mive-stabbed 2-both survived
June 16-2016- Jo Cox-British Member of Parliament (neo nazi group)
Mar 22-2017-Westminster-3 killed 29 injured-driver struck pedestrians-policeman stabbed
May 23-2017-Manchester-22dead 59 injured bombing of Ariana Grande concert
June 3-2017-London Bridge-Borough Market-Van attacked pedestrians on bridge-stabbings at Borough Market
My heart fell for the people of Britain. How much more can my mother country take. Westminster, Manchester and London all attacked within a short period of time seems surreal.
What is happening to this world? So much hate is hard to fathom. Viewing images of victims in various stages of injury from minor to absolutely obscene. How can human beings perpetrate such evil on innocents. The lower chart is taken from Wikipedia reviewing the incidents that England has suffered. My heart goes out to all the victims and their families, and I hope that those who are still lost are found quickly for their families sake.
The United Kingdom has suffered greatly in the past few years and most recently 3 attacks in 3 months.
April 1999 David Copeland bombing- 3 dead-139 injured
July 7-2005-London Underground and Double Decker bus bombings - 50 killed-100s injured
May 22-2013-stabbing of Lee Rigby
Dec 5-2015-Muhaydin Mive-stabbed 2-both survived
June 16-2016- Jo Cox-British Member of Parliament (neo nazi group)
Mar 22-2017-Westminster-3 killed 29 injured-driver struck pedestrians-policeman stabbed
May 23-2017-Manchester-22dead 59 injured bombing of Ariana Grande concert
June 3-2017-London Bridge-Borough Market-Van attacked pedestrians on bridge-stabbings at Borough Market
Thursday, June 8, 2017
My Life: Primrose Cottage
As a little girl some of my fondest memories are of our summer holidays, some of which were spent at "Primrose Cottage" in Battle. Pictured above are my sister and me (bunny skirt), in the back garden of the cottage. Just behind the cottage was a farmers field full of jersey cows. They were beautiful, with their huge brown eyes and big wet noses! It was both frightening, and exciting, to offer them handfuls of grass...the same grass that grew on their side of the fence, but they ate it out of our hands all the same so I imagined our grass
was special!
The cottage was full of charm, created by my mother's ability to beautifully decorate a cave if she had to, with beautiful handmade curtains and cushions, wall art, and furnishings arranged in the most creative and comfortable ways possible. In the front of the cottage was a lovely paned glass window in which my sister and I sometimes played real estate agents, wearing plastic finger tips with red nails on them. We had drawn pictures of houses for sale and fixed them into the panes of the glass! We spent hours pretending to be real estate agents greeting imaginary customers to whom we would talk about the advantages of the different drawn homes we selected from our window!
We also spent many holidays in Devon, playing on the beaches, building sand castles and splashing around in cold water! It never mattered how cold the water was or how stony the beach, playing in the ocean was a must. I remember dashing out of the ocean shivering, with blue lips and body, into my mother's arms to be wrapped up in a huge warm towel and rubbed and hugged warm! Then came the blanket, and tea from a thermos!
The smell of the ocean, and salt on my lips, the shells on the beach, all filled me with excitement, I couldn't get enough of it. Once dry, it was time to explore, in warmer clothes, the tide pools which offered a plethora of sea life. Little crabs and periwinkles were most prevalent and while I was interested enough to catch crabs, I would then squeal as they scrambled about in my hands in an effort to escape! Periwinkles were far more agreeable and just peeked out of their shells and just as quickly ducked back in! I especially loved collecting shells, pretty stones and beach glass. Treasures which could be gathered and kept in a little box to handle over and over again long after the holiday was over.
Another favourite pastime was the boating ponds. I had a little blue and white sail boat which I would launch into what seemed like a huge body of water and watch carefully as it passed other boats and
went on its own way with the wind. Eventually she would wind up close enough to an edge of the
pond to be retrieved safely, much to my relief!
These holidays are memories that I will treasure always, and since the majority of the time it was our immediate family only, I was free from any uncomfortable situations with my grandfather which made me feel freer and safer.
Thursday, June 1, 2017
To all Sarin Gas DENIERS...
...if you doubt, for whatever reason that I can't fathom, that Syrian innocents are "acting" rather than actually dying from sarin gas attacks, I have a plan for you! I suggest that you all gather together at LAX and we'll gladly fly you over to the Middle East and transport you to some remote village in war torn Syria. Hopefully for one of you, you'll fly United and you'll get kicked off the plane before you leave...you'll be the lucky one! In Syria, you can sit and wait for the sound of bombers overhead and one of you can video the result of an actual gas attack. Of course as you twist and foam at the mouth, gasping for breath there will be those back home who will say that you're a "really good actor" and will be soooo surprised when you're shipped back in a body bag. Better yet...if you're THAT CONVINCED then take your children too! The more the merrier right?
I don't understand you! Why are you so cruel and pig headed when there is full evidence to the contrary of what you believe? If that were happening to you and the rest of the world did NOTHING but make up conspiracy theories about your plight, how would you feel? Would you want to flee? But wait...there's nowhere to go because you're terrorists tricking the government into letting you across the boarders so you can attack the USA! Of course...that's what it's all about.
Silly rest of the world who have decency in them and have empathy for our fellow human beings...but we need more than empathy. We need ACTION.
Stop being so ridiculous and try to be human instead.
Gasping for life CNN mini documentary
I don't understand you! Why are you so cruel and pig headed when there is full evidence to the contrary of what you believe? If that were happening to you and the rest of the world did NOTHING but make up conspiracy theories about your plight, how would you feel? Would you want to flee? But wait...there's nowhere to go because you're terrorists tricking the government into letting you across the boarders so you can attack the USA! Of course...that's what it's all about.
Silly rest of the world who have decency in them and have empathy for our fellow human beings...but we need more than empathy. We need ACTION.
Stop being so ridiculous and try to be human instead.
Gasping for life CNN mini documentary
Fibromyalgia
When dealing with the symptoms of Fibromyalgia, one of the things recommended is to avoid stress! That's pretty hard to do! Although Fibromyalgia is not a fatal disease the main causes of death amongst it's sufferers is suicide and heart attack. I have had 2 heart attacks since 2007 and been suicidal countless times. To avoid stress when you're trying to live on a small fixed income, trying to look after all your typical activities of daily living which cause you unbelievable pain in places you never imagined you had muscles ( armpits! ). Add migraines, brain fog, kinda like mini dementia and extreme fatigue where there are periods of time when you can barely get out of bed to let the dogs in and out. It's a daily struggle. Movement does help to relieve some pain, but adl's can put me into uncontrollable pain episodes from vacuuming, washing a floor, taking out the garbage! Ridiculous right? I used to be able to work full time, be a single Mom, volunteer at several different organizations, be a part of a worship team playing guitar and singing, walk my dogs daily, keep my house and garden well kept, heat with wood and all that entails, plus pursue various hobbies.
Now I only leave the house if I have to and eat a lot of cereal!
Now I only leave the house if I have to and eat a lot of cereal!
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
My life: little lives and innocence
As a little girl growing up in England I had it pretty well. As I said we had a Gardner, Mrs. Coates, and a Nanny, Sophie, who came all week and bandaged small injuries, fed us breakfast, and dinner ( which was the biggest meal) and lots of love and Mom, or Mummy (of course)as we called her cooked and baked, took us to ballet classes and to preschool and the convent ( where Nuns with cold hands taught us everything including the catechism ) and grand parks where we played hide and seek and "tracking" which was a game I didn't really understand but just tried to make sure I didn't get lost!
One day while playing with my sister and some friends, they decided to ride around the block, and I tried to go too. My hobby horse just wasn't keeping up so I went back home to get my scooter and headed back out after them. By the time I reached the corner everyone was gone and as I continued to try to find them, I got more and more lost. I ended up at the little row of shops we frequented every Saturday to spend our sixpence, allowance, which we always spent on sweets. I went to the bakery and asked them where my sister was and they gave me a doily! Not sure how that was supposed to help but it kept me calm while they called the police. When the Police arrived, they put me in their car and asked me some typical questions..."what's your name little girl?"..."Sally"...I didn't know my last name! "Where do you live Sally?" ... "at home" I replied! So with all that information thoroughly documented, we headed out to find home, but I couldn't see over the dashboard! We drove around to find something familiar but by this time I was very frightened and everything looked strange to me...I was clearly no help. Just when all hope was about to be lost, a woman waved down the Police car to explain she had lost her little girl and just like majic, there I was!!! After hugs and Thank You's were over I was able to go home and all was well with the world, but I never quite relied on my hobby horse after that!
Most of our extended family, Aunts, Uncles, cousins and my Grandmother on my Fathers side, lived in Sheffield north of us, so we saw them less frequently, but my grandmother and grandfather on my mothers side, lived close by, and we saw them regularly. They were a large part of our lives.
My Grandmother was the most wonderful woman in the world! She always had time for us, was amazed at everything we did, and was always prepared to play with us whether it was making things with cards she had saved ( she saved EVERYTHING), or playing games with us, or colouring, reading to us, whatever we wanted. My grandfather was equally attentive to us and loved us to sit on his knee and tickle us. My sister wasn't as open to this as I was and in reflection my need for affection and physical love was what made me a perfect target for what was to come. I continued to have many wonderful experiences as a child, which I will continue to share, but there was a growing unease and confusion in my little mind as to what was happening to me and I was very confused as to how to deal with it. My life was in a transition, as so many little children face. Things were about to change for me...a fork in the road from which I continue to grapple with the consequences.
One day while playing with my sister and some friends, they decided to ride around the block, and I tried to go too. My hobby horse just wasn't keeping up so I went back home to get my scooter and headed back out after them. By the time I reached the corner everyone was gone and as I continued to try to find them, I got more and more lost. I ended up at the little row of shops we frequented every Saturday to spend our sixpence, allowance, which we always spent on sweets. I went to the bakery and asked them where my sister was and they gave me a doily! Not sure how that was supposed to help but it kept me calm while they called the police. When the Police arrived, they put me in their car and asked me some typical questions..."what's your name little girl?"..."Sally"...I didn't know my last name! "Where do you live Sally?" ... "at home" I replied! So with all that information thoroughly documented, we headed out to find home, but I couldn't see over the dashboard! We drove around to find something familiar but by this time I was very frightened and everything looked strange to me...I was clearly no help. Just when all hope was about to be lost, a woman waved down the Police car to explain she had lost her little girl and just like majic, there I was!!! After hugs and Thank You's were over I was able to go home and all was well with the world, but I never quite relied on my hobby horse after that!
Most of our extended family, Aunts, Uncles, cousins and my Grandmother on my Fathers side, lived in Sheffield north of us, so we saw them less frequently, but my grandmother and grandfather on my mothers side, lived close by, and we saw them regularly. They were a large part of our lives.
My Grandmother was the most wonderful woman in the world! She always had time for us, was amazed at everything we did, and was always prepared to play with us whether it was making things with cards she had saved ( she saved EVERYTHING), or playing games with us, or colouring, reading to us, whatever we wanted. My grandfather was equally attentive to us and loved us to sit on his knee and tickle us. My sister wasn't as open to this as I was and in reflection my need for affection and physical love was what made me a perfect target for what was to come. I continued to have many wonderful experiences as a child, which I will continue to share, but there was a growing unease and confusion in my little mind as to what was happening to me and I was very confused as to how to deal with it. My life was in a transition, as so many little children face. Things were about to change for me...a fork in the road from which I continue to grapple with the consequences.
Trump is "tired" ...I know how he feels!
This United States President and his arrogant ways have brought me to the point of exhaustion! He NEVER STOPS demonstrating how ignorant he is about the world and common decency. For example the bumbling fool Trump stands with Israels prime minister Netanyahu and states clearly that "he (Trump) never mentioned the name Israel so you got another story wrong"! The only thing is the press NEVER mentioned Israel on their stories and no one had asked him about his revealing classified information...he brings it up himself...draws attention to it...like a toddler explaining " I didn't do it" to his parents! Tillerson says Trump is tired. Well Donald the whole world is getting VERY tired and would like to move on.
There are far more troubling things scrolling quietly on the bottom line of the CNN news and other news programs.
The war hasn't stopped in Syria, people in America are still worried about their jobs and whether or not they will have health coverage. What about his promises to the miners and their widows to extend their medical pensions to the end of their lives and on to their wives?
Now a huge cut of 800 billion dollars to Medicare and food stamps has been leaked about Trump's new budget. What happened to campaign Trump?
There are far more troubling things scrolling quietly on the bottom line of the CNN news and other news programs.
The war hasn't stopped in Syria, people in America are still worried about their jobs and whether or not they will have health coverage. What about his promises to the miners and their widows to extend their medical pensions to the end of their lives and on to their wives?
Now a huge cut of 800 billion dollars to Medicare and food stamps has been leaked about Trump's new budget. What happened to campaign Trump?
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
My life, in the beginning ...
I was born! This much is obvious, but for most of my life, up until recently, I thought I was born in England. You see I was adopted at the age of 3-5 months old and so the first few months of my life are a bit of a mystery, at least to me, known only by my birth mother. ( I have tried to find her but have been unsuccessful but that's another story). So, I was born, and then adopted, and raised for my first 8 years in a beautiful Tudor style house in Kent. I loved that house.
What I loved most really was the garden. It was a magical place, and our gardener, Mrs. Coates, ( yes we had a gardener) knew all about every flower, every creature, and special ways to cure wasp stings you got from picking up your conkers without looking first to see if they were otherwise occupied! Conkers are really just chestnuts that you put a hole in and thread them onto a string and hit each other with them. I'm not certain that the original idea was to hit each other with them, but that's what my sister and I did. Yes I had a sister, also adopted, but 3 years earlier than me. My father later told me that he had really wanted a boy (what man doesn't) but my mother wasn't sure she would know what to do with one, so they got me instead!
Anyway, back to the garden! It had a magical Weeping Ash tree whose branches grew like a willow right down to the ground, but they were stiff branches, so when you went inside you were in a whole separate tree world! The branches didn't sway so no one knew you were there! It was truly a beautiful thing! We would play house inside for what seemed like days.
Then there were the hedges all around where the hedgehogs lived, of course, because otherwise where else would they live!
There was a fox that would appear from the back of the garden near the compost pile, the garden shed, and the swing.
At the front of the garden there were pebbly pathways that were surrounded by roses, and after a rain the scent of them was almost overpowering. I would walk around and around the sodden pathways while my galoshes ( rubber boots) squelched and splashed and got me wet.
Our neighbour, Mr. Penny, grew masses of pansies and you could smell them too. He would
let my sister and I come over and pick a posey of pansies! I loved their sunny faces and deep scent. We always felt very special when we got to pick our own flowers and have our own vases of them in our bedrooms. Once my sister collected a bunch of twigs and went about the garden planting them strategically in the soil. My father watched her carefully then replaced the twigs with bulbs! My sister was delighted when all her twigs grew into beautiful little flowers, and marvelled at her success!
Sweet Tudor stories, and in reflection, when I returned to England at age 13, the house seemed so much smaller than I remember but the memories are so large, and it became the longest place in which I lived from 1967 to 1992! More memories to follow.
What I loved most really was the garden. It was a magical place, and our gardener, Mrs. Coates, ( yes we had a gardener) knew all about every flower, every creature, and special ways to cure wasp stings you got from picking up your conkers without looking first to see if they were otherwise occupied! Conkers are really just chestnuts that you put a hole in and thread them onto a string and hit each other with them. I'm not certain that the original idea was to hit each other with them, but that's what my sister and I did. Yes I had a sister, also adopted, but 3 years earlier than me. My father later told me that he had really wanted a boy (what man doesn't) but my mother wasn't sure she would know what to do with one, so they got me instead!
Anyway, back to the garden! It had a magical Weeping Ash tree whose branches grew like a willow right down to the ground, but they were stiff branches, so when you went inside you were in a whole separate tree world! The branches didn't sway so no one knew you were there! It was truly a beautiful thing! We would play house inside for what seemed like days.
Then there were the hedges all around where the hedgehogs lived, of course, because otherwise where else would they live!
There was a fox that would appear from the back of the garden near the compost pile, the garden shed, and the swing.
At the front of the garden there were pebbly pathways that were surrounded by roses, and after a rain the scent of them was almost overpowering. I would walk around and around the sodden pathways while my galoshes ( rubber boots) squelched and splashed and got me wet.
Our neighbour, Mr. Penny, grew masses of pansies and you could smell them too. He would
let my sister and I come over and pick a posey of pansies! I loved their sunny faces and deep scent. We always felt very special when we got to pick our own flowers and have our own vases of them in our bedrooms. Once my sister collected a bunch of twigs and went about the garden planting them strategically in the soil. My father watched her carefully then replaced the twigs with bulbs! My sister was delighted when all her twigs grew into beautiful little flowers, and marvelled at her success!
Sweet Tudor stories, and in reflection, when I returned to England at age 13, the house seemed so much smaller than I remember but the memories are so large, and it became the longest place in which I lived from 1967 to 1992! More memories to follow.
Friday, May 26, 2017
"Decoding Daesh" And why i.s.i.s. doesn't like it...so why don't we use it!
Over the past few years, with all the focus on isis, its recruitment techniques, and actions, I had heard them called Daesh, and knew that this name was an insult to them. I had no idea why it was insulting, but it was insulting enough to make them change it... and I didn't really understand why, if it was "insulting", we weren't using it instead of Isis!?
I found this article by linguist Alice Guthrie, " Decoding Daesh: Why is the new name for ISIS so hard to understand?"Decoding Daesh: Why Is The New Name For ISIS So Hard To Understand?ecoding Daesh: Why
She explains, in great depth, the Arabic and English translations and why isis members HATE the term Daesh. This article was scribed in 2015 but the information remains relevant and the idea of insulting isis, just as attractive. Below are some highlights from this article and the link to it so you can read it all, as my summary does not do it justice!
https://www.freewordcentre.com/explore/daesh-isis-media-alice-guthrie
"Over the last few months, there has been a concerted effort by several senior global politicians to give a new name to the group known as ISIS, or Islamic State, IS or ISIL. That new name is ‘Daesh’. If you’ve followed coverage of this attempted official linguistic sea change, you’ll have gathered that the new name, although it’s just an Arabic acronym equivalent to the English ‘ISIS’, apparently delegitimises the organisation, mocks them, and thus drives them to threaten taking violent retribution on anyone who uses it."
"So the insult picked up on by Daesh is not just that the name makes them sound little, silly, and powerless, but that it implies they are monsters, and that they are made-up." ( they are "monsters" but unfortunately not made up although their interpretation of Islam IS made up)
The article is long and sometimes confusing since I am not a linguist and not familiar with Arabic. In
summary what I understand is that Daesh, in Arabic, sends a negative impression of isis. So again why don't we all call them by this name...I know President Obama used this term on occasion but not consistently....why? It's not as if they're going to murder people more heinously if we call them Daesh...they're pretty well maxed out in that department!
What do you think?
I found this article by linguist Alice Guthrie, " Decoding Daesh: Why is the new name for ISIS so hard to understand?"Decoding Daesh: Why Is The New Name For ISIS So Hard To Understand?ecoding Daesh: Why
She explains, in great depth, the Arabic and English translations and why isis members HATE the term Daesh. This article was scribed in 2015 but the information remains relevant and the idea of insulting isis, just as attractive. Below are some highlights from this article and the link to it so you can read it all, as my summary does not do it justice!
https://www.freewordcentre.com/explore/daesh-isis-media-alice-guthrie
"Over the last few months, there has been a concerted effort by several senior global politicians to give a new name to the group known as ISIS, or Islamic State, IS or ISIL. That new name is ‘Daesh’. If you’ve followed coverage of this attempted official linguistic sea change, you’ll have gathered that the new name, although it’s just an Arabic acronym equivalent to the English ‘ISIS’, apparently delegitimises the organisation, mocks them, and thus drives them to threaten taking violent retribution on anyone who uses it."
"So the insult picked up on by Daesh is not just that the name makes them sound little, silly, and powerless, but that it implies they are monsters, and that they are made-up." ( they are "monsters" but unfortunately not made up although their interpretation of Islam IS made up)
The article is long and sometimes confusing since I am not a linguist and not familiar with Arabic. In
summary what I understand is that Daesh, in Arabic, sends a negative impression of isis. So again why don't we all call them by this name...I know President Obama used this term on occasion but not consistently....why? It's not as if they're going to murder people more heinously if we call them Daesh...they're pretty well maxed out in that department!
What do you think?
Sitting under the Apple Tree
Finally I was driven away after multiple mosquitos drained my blood supply and then started on making a meal of my face.
I just wish you all could have been there to enjoy this magical moment with me.
Wishing you all magical moments from God's YouTube channel!
Good night.
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
Olivia found deceased
Just checked Twitter and found out that Olivia had been found but she is deceased. Heartbreaking.
Nothing to say but to her family and friends...I am so very sorry. I don't understand the minds of these deranged murderers that they could take these innocent lives with no cause. Unfathomable.
Nothing to say but to her family and friends...I am so very sorry. I don't understand the minds of these deranged murderers that they could take these innocent lives with no cause. Unfathomable.
Where's Olivia?
Last night, during the chaos of the Manchester Terror attack, CNN's Don Lemon took a call from a mother who was desperate to find her daughter. She spoke to Don about how excited Olivia Campbell had been about going to this concert with her friend Adam.
Since the bombing, Mom ( Charlotte ) had been calling both Olivia and Adam, but the calls went unanswered.
It was heart wrenching to hear this poor mother so desperate and feeling powerless to do ANYTHING to make this nightmare disappear. She kept saying " I just want her home". I thought about this family all night and watched CNN and Twitter today for news of Olivia and Adam.
Through Twitter I found a post that Adam was in hospital...I hope the same Adam although any Adam not killed is joyful...but Olivia is on the MISSING list. Her Uncle has been searching hospitals and hotels but nothing.
I can't imagine how devastated Charlotte is. I think about them both especially because I know some of their story,, have heard her mother' pleas for help...he daughters picture haunts me. Yet I know there are dozens or more Olivias and Charlottes in Manchester tonight who are struggling to stay sane, struggling to put and end to this nightmare. Ending the nightmare could be another nightmare in itself.
Something else to recover from.
I pray these families can hang on to hope and lean on each other for comfort.
The world is with you all...with you Charlotte and Olivia...though the unimaginable is almost impossible to grasp you will get through this.
I don't know how,
but you will.
Since the bombing, Mom ( Charlotte ) had been calling both Olivia and Adam, but the calls went unanswered.
It was heart wrenching to hear this poor mother so desperate and feeling powerless to do ANYTHING to make this nightmare disappear. She kept saying " I just want her home". I thought about this family all night and watched CNN and Twitter today for news of Olivia and Adam.
Through Twitter I found a post that Adam was in hospital...I hope the same Adam although any Adam not killed is joyful...but Olivia is on the MISSING list. Her Uncle has been searching hospitals and hotels but nothing.
I can't imagine how devastated Charlotte is. I think about them both especially because I know some of their story,, have heard her mother' pleas for help...he daughters picture haunts me. Yet I know there are dozens or more Olivias and Charlottes in Manchester tonight who are struggling to stay sane, struggling to put and end to this nightmare. Ending the nightmare could be another nightmare in itself.
Something else to recover from.
I pray these families can hang on to hope and lean on each other for comfort.
The world is with you all...with you Charlotte and Olivia...though the unimaginable is almost impossible to grasp you will get through this.
I don't know how,
but you will.
Monday, May 22, 2017
Suicide bomber attacks Ariana Grande concert in Manchester...
England , what evil demon could choose a group of teens as their victims. The chaos, the screams, 19 killed 59 injured, statistics likely to rise. It's unbelievable and heart rending to watch the videos with tweens dashing down to the exits where terrified parents watch and wait for their child to appear. An overwhelmed and desperate mother calls into CNN to talk about her daughter Olivia and her friend Adam, are now missing, not answering their phones...there are many more parents in the same situation. Horrific.
The bomber waited for the concert to end as some 20,000 teens began to leave when an explosion rocked the concert hall and panic ensued. It appears the bomb exploded outside the safe zone at the exit where kids were gathering to meet their parents to pick them up.
Some will never go home.
My heart breaks for all the teens and their families who will forever be changed by this vile act.
No one has laid claim to this act as of yet.
The bomber waited for the concert to end as some 20,000 teens began to leave when an explosion rocked the concert hall and panic ensued. It appears the bomb exploded outside the safe zone at the exit where kids were gathering to meet their parents to pick them up.
Some will never go home.
My heart breaks for all the teens and their families who will forever be changed by this vile act.
No one has laid claim to this act as of yet.
Best tiny design for me!
My dream tiny house
This is the most fantastic tiny house I've seen...I think I would use the second loft as a living room with daybeds with storage or IKEA modular sofas with storage and guest room capabilities. I drew like every time I watch this video...it goes too fast for me! I love the stairs and the whole concept.
Do you like it?
This is the most fantastic tiny house I've seen...I think I would use the second loft as a living room with daybeds with storage or IKEA modular sofas with storage and guest room capabilities. I drew like every time I watch this video...it goes too fast for me! I love the stairs and the whole concept.
Do you like it?
Saturday, May 20, 2017
Tiny House Nation
Friday, May 19, 2017
White House's continued crisis...can Trump survive?
Every day there's a new disaster occurring within the White House under President Trump. It's so confusing I'm not sure if anyone can get it straight but I'm gonna try. Let me know if I've missed something!
Today as Donald Trumps' plane left the runway for his international tour new allegations reported in the New York Times states that Donald Trump, during his unorthodox meeting with the Russian's Ambassador and intelligence officer, not only did he reveal confidential information, he also told them that he had fired Director of the FBI Director Comey, calling him a "Nut job", and that it would take the pressure off the Mike Flynn and Russian investigation!
(In the midst of this crisis, Attorney General Sally Yates had approached the White House to inform them that she had concerns regarding the new National Security Officer General Michael Flynn. She reviews information with the White House and is then asked to returns the next day where she offers to arrange an opportunity where they could review the documentation she had...this meeting never happens because between this meeting and the future meeting to review the information she is fired!)
During the furor of the revelation that Trump revealed highly classified information, Putin offered to release transcripts of the meeting, which was summarily ignored, but now you have to wonder whether that was a threat towards Trump that more than the revelation of classified information could be released!
So recap...Trump invites Director Comey to dinner alone ( making Comey uncomfortable) confirms
Comey will keep his job, then asks Comey for complete loyalty which Comey replies he will give
him honesty and loyalty to the constitution, not exactly what Trump asked for.
During Comey's testimony on the hill, about the Russian involvement in the Clinton campaign, Comey is asked about his decision to release a letter regarding reopening Hilary Clinton's
investigation and that it made him slightly "nauseated" to think he might affect the result of the election. This statement angered Trump's thin skin.
Today as Donald Trumps' plane left the runway for his international tour new allegations reported in the New York Times states that Donald Trump, during his unorthodox meeting with the Russian's Ambassador and intelligence officer, not only did he reveal confidential information, he also told them that he had fired Director of the FBI Director Comey, calling him a "Nut job", and that it would take the pressure off the Mike Flynn and Russian investigation!
(In the midst of this crisis, Attorney General Sally Yates had approached the White House to inform them that she had concerns regarding the new National Security Officer General Michael Flynn. She reviews information with the White House and is then asked to returns the next day where she offers to arrange an opportunity where they could review the documentation she had...this meeting never happens because between this meeting and the future meeting to review the information she is fired!)
During the furor of the revelation that Trump revealed highly classified information, Putin offered to release transcripts of the meeting, which was summarily ignored, but now you have to wonder whether that was a threat towards Trump that more than the revelation of classified information could be released!
So recap...Trump invites Director Comey to dinner alone ( making Comey uncomfortable) confirms
Comey will keep his job, then asks Comey for complete loyalty which Comey replies he will give
him honesty and loyalty to the constitution, not exactly what Trump asked for.
During Comey's testimony on the hill, about the Russian involvement in the Clinton campaign, Comey is asked about his decision to release a letter regarding reopening Hilary Clinton's
investigation and that it made him slightly "nauseated" to think he might affect the result of the election. This statement angered Trump's thin skin.
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Dog love
I have yet to see the movie "A dogs Purpose" but I know I'll love it if there are dogs in it, which I assume there are!
My history with dogs has always been profound and more stable than those with people! Their love is unconditional and they are always so happy to see you even if you've only been gone for a few minutes! I am ill so I'm at home most of the time. I suffer physical and emotionally painful periods
of time and my dogs are ALWAYS there to comfort me. We are the three Musketeers cuddled up on the love seat ( small but we all fit kind of!) keeping each other warm in winter and sweaty in summer!
Every move I make I am shadowed by my terrier Zimos...get coffee he's there...go to have a bath
( very small bathroom) he's there, go to the toilet he's there! I am part of the pack but not sure if I'm the pack leader according to the dog bibles of Cesar Milan but what the hell...it works.
A number of years ago I had decided that it was unfair to keep such a high energy dog with me being unable to run him everyday, resulting in him getting fat like me, and a little stressed out, also like me!
The answer was to rehome him somewhere he could have everything he needed.
Reluctantly I began the process to find a family for him and a lovely couple came into the picture. After sharing conversations and getting the answers I felt were conclusive, Zimos went to Westport to live by the water and be walked everyday etc. When they left with him I cried and cried but felt I had done the right thing.
That night I imagined the new life he was living and convinced myself that he was much better off. Later the next day I got a phone call to say that Zim had cried and howled the entire time they had him...he was miserable and they didn't feel he would be happy there...could they bring him back? BRING HIM BACK? YES YES BRING HIM BACK!
The reunion was joyful and according to this couple began the moment they turned onto our street escalating in intensity the closer they came to our house!
I love him, he loves me and we'll just have to get fat together!
Vengeance is mine sayeth Donald Trump...
With all the turmoils swirling around the White House I think there's one thing that's quite telling and that is not that Trump simply fired FBI Director Jim Comey, but HOW HE FIRED HIM!
It is well known that when Trump doesn't get his own way he behaves like a toddler in a never ending, uncontrollable, temper tantrum, lashing out in many ways.
He devises whatever vengeance and cruelty he can to humiliate anyone whose challenged or insulted him.
Trump asks Comey to drop the Mike Flynn investigation and gets no satisfaction he's mad...when he listens to Comey's testimony where Comey related that it made him mildly "nauseated" to think he had played a part in the results of the election again, he makes Trump MAD. He's asked the man for personal loyalty and doesn't get it...he's FURIOUS.
So does Trump fire him immediately...no. What he does is HE WAITS until Comey is out of town, then has a letter hand delivered to Comey's office where he knows he isn't !
He doesn't call him, no heads up, so Comey learns over television that he's fired during a presentation in las Angeles, and even has to find a different way home because he's stranded, as he can no longer use the government plane!
Trump didn't just want to fire him...he wanted to devastate Comey to the best of his ability.
So why? Former FBI Director Comey REALLY PISSED HIM OFF! Nothing to do with Hilary Clinton!
Hmmmm!? What else about Comey made him that mad?
It is well known that when Trump doesn't get his own way he behaves like a toddler in a never ending, uncontrollable, temper tantrum, lashing out in many ways.
He devises whatever vengeance and cruelty he can to humiliate anyone whose challenged or insulted him.
Trump asks Comey to drop the Mike Flynn investigation and gets no satisfaction he's mad...when he listens to Comey's testimony where Comey related that it made him mildly "nauseated" to think he had played a part in the results of the election again, he makes Trump MAD. He's asked the man for personal loyalty and doesn't get it...he's FURIOUS.
So does Trump fire him immediately...no. What he does is HE WAITS until Comey is out of town, then has a letter hand delivered to Comey's office where he knows he isn't !
He doesn't call him, no heads up, so Comey learns over television that he's fired during a presentation in las Angeles, and even has to find a different way home because he's stranded, as he can no longer use the government plane!
Trump didn't just want to fire him...he wanted to devastate Comey to the best of his ability.
So why? Former FBI Director Comey REALLY PISSED HIM OFF! Nothing to do with Hilary Clinton!
Hmmmm!? What else about Comey made him that mad?
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