This past month has been excruciating, with the weather being so wet, and trying to keep up the house between floods and trees falling, the stress has peaked my pain threshold to maximum. Being the only adult in the house means when I'm struck down with pain, nothing gets done. My physical stamina has been drastically diminished from years of reduced activity, and when I have a good day I tend to over do it to catch up from all the bad days and then that inevitably results in a crash, which means NO energy, as if sedated, LOTS OF PAIN, all over my body, muscles and deep bone aches.
I'm having difficulty motivating my 20 year old to do anything to help! Cutting grass and cleaning up after himself is a constant battle which when confronted results in a huge fight so I walk on tender hooks trying to be diplomatic but there is no diplomacy left, only consequences, like taking the car away, which again means war is declared.
I don't know how to get help anymore. I just watch as things fall apart, things that I would never have allowed before becoming ill are now standard practice like the house being a mess. I am embarrassed when my son brings his friends in...I don't understand how he has such little pride as to let them see the squalor his room is in.
I suppose this is when you start to scrape the bottom of the barrel! When you really begin to think "is this what it's going to be like forever? Is it going to get worse? How can I possibly get out of this situation ?"
I have no answers anymore...no cute little sayings to sweep the truth under the rug. It seems pretty hopeless to me.
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