Indigestion or heart atttack?

Last night I had another very painful episode which lasted about 30 minutes using 6 nitro sprays.  It WASNT a panic attack because I wasn't scared I  simply wanted the pain to stop. It started in my back and I have fibro and had been messing with hoses and sump pumps yesterday as my basement flooded  again but it radiated into my chest and mid to right sternum.  I've had 2 heart attacks and many panic attacks all at home.  Most of the time women are misdiagnosed (as I was) and I hate calling for help because everyone assumes you're either wrong about what's going on or faking it!  I know this seems like a poor excuse not to call an ambulance but I've spent a lot of time in emergency rooms only to be sent home...with the exception of 2 years ago when they checked my cardiac enzymes and I was admitted...scheduled for a bypass, then had that held over, upon which time I visited my son in Burlington and ended up in the Hamilton General Cath lab ( amazing place with the capacity of an army of us heart blocked folks) and they cleaned me out! So I'm still alive, still feel like hell, and think I'll try to see my Family Doc today and get blood work done to see if my enzymes are elevated. In the meantime I'm going to let the professionals deal with my ever flooding basement ( my main sump pump quit after a huge rainstorm event )! So if my blog goes dark, that means the news wasn't great!

Alive could be an overstatement!

Since my initial mission for this blog was to try to be consistent in something you can see that has been a dismal failure! My apologies.
As I sit here pondering my existence and my future I must concede finally that I am not equipped to carry on. I lack both the physical and mental abilities to manage my life, and spiritually I have lost that full knowledge of Gods promises to me and the strength that gave me even when faced with death.
Anyone with a chronic illness knows that it's not just the patient that suffers, but all of those around them, and as time goes by it becomes taxing on them to the point of exhaustion, and not surprisingly desensitizing to the serious nature of the problems.  Even I have still to learn when I'm in deep trouble. It's hard to ask for help in a world where everything moves so quickly, lives so full of family and friends, all the special moments go by in a flash and they're gone and I've missed them.
I've made so many mistakes in my life and lived the consequences by blundering through and not dealing with the real issues.
So in closing I just want to urge anyone whose struggling to reach out and find one advocate who will stand by you and help you to stay afloat when your drowning in this muddled up mess of mental illness or any illness.
Sometimes you have to give up in order to get up. Not an easy thing to do!
-SMG