Numb and Numer

Hey Black Eyed Dog! Thanks for visiting...I put your link here on my blog...hope that's okay!
Sorry about the s l o w posting, but I'm in the numb phase, and I'm kind of stuck here.  All I want to do is sleep...but I can't because either it gets too painful lying down (and I've never really mastered sleeping standing up...although there was a time in College...that's another story...) I've called the \Medical Centre a couple of times, and I'm hoping it's an easy Thyroid fix...just up my dose and in about a month I'll feel somewhat better...by 6 months way better...so I guess it's not that easy, but it's something we can fix as opposed to all those other things we can't.  Those "suck it up" other things that really suck to suck them up!!!  At the moment I can't even go for a walk because my foot is killing me an I'm out of everything except acetaminophen (which does nothing apart from now giving me headaches instead of taking them away!!)  Okay...so all whining apart I did have an interesting event of Frontal lobe activity yesterday that is giving me hope that maybe I'm turning the corner in the pit and seeing some light.  This is what happened.....Recalling that I am presently numb you must first reflect on the flat line EEG my brain represents....then....
I see an advertisement with Tina Fey in it, which I of course see as Fina Tey...which leads me to "Nell" (you know "giyengaye", naked nut in the woods...which leads me to Liam Neeson and Miranda Richardson, which leads me to skiing and fatal head injuries, which leads me to working the ER at Mac Master and losing an 8 year old to a massive cerebral hemorrhage when she fell off her bike, which takes me to the townhouses across from Canadian Tire in Burlington, and making my eldest son wear a black hockey helmet in August, and him hating me for it, which takes me to driving to PEI and back in my little Chevette, to the gear shifter coming off while doing 50 down a residential road, and downshifting with the nub of the shifter buried in squishy vinyl...which leads me to reviving a man outside McDonald's who had a stroke while eating a Big Mac, and the policeman that moved my car for me and said nothing about the vice grips that were now taking the place of my shifter, which leads me to wonder why the check engine light is on in my car now and I need an oil change!!!!  Then all was quiet on the eastern front!!  These little "mini mads" only take a few seconds if that, so it's comforting to know that detailed thoughts are still with me...when they start to improve and lengthen, well, look out...that's when the real blogging begins!!! For now though, things might still be slow. Oh, by the way, I'm quitting my no calorie, no potassium, no caffiene Pepsi habit.  My sister is certain that it turns into turpentine as soon as I ingest it?! The detox seem to be going okay and the facial twitch that only frightened two small children in the village is almost gone! I'm als on the hunt for coconut water which I haven't found yet...any clues...anyone??

The Pit and the Pendulum

The pendulum keeps swinging  to flat...flat...flat...flat...all summer I have been hovering in this state of dark numbness.  I force myself out of the house into the village for whatever basic needs I have, and I put on a good show while I'm there!  It's a kind of "debut" each time, but a debut, as we all know, is supposed to be a single entrance, not a recurring theme!! I can be very funny when I want to be, and when I'm out, and also to make Matt laugh at home, I can put on a great show...tell a great tale...I believe in the old adage..."leave them laughing"!!!! But it's getting harder, and the flat has begun to turn into leaking.  I hate leaking...my nose stings and runs and the tears just pool on my lower lids, defying gravity for awhile, until they ...well...leak. By then it's hard to see, and interferes with everything except sleep.  I've watched most of the summer go by through the window in my sitting room sitting on the end of my couch, wrapped in dogs.  Every time I get up to get a drink, or whatever, they leap up with excitement waiting for the leashes to be brought out, and are very disappointed when that isn't the result, and we all return to our spots, huddled up together.  I love to walk them, and I know that it's both physically and psychologically good for me, but it also leaves me in pain both during the walk (plantar faciitis and shin splints), and after, fibromyalgia pain. I know I'm whining, but it really frustrates me that everything is such a struggle. I have thyroid problems too, but haven't heard yet, the results of my bloodwork.  I wanted them to do a Lithium level, but apparently someone with greater authority than me needs to determine that...so I wait...and hope it doesn't get worse.  I hate worse!!! The Pit.

Missing God

I miss God allot right now.  It's not that ...He's not around ...of course...He's all around...but I have neglected to involve Him in every aspect of my life, like I used to and loved to.  A relationship with God/Jesus, is really like any other and at the same time unlike any other.  When I was young I really only felt that "thrill" of being enveloped by His glory during the Christmas season, and then it waned into the background of life.  While I was a teenager the last thing I wanted was to consider Jesus my comforter because I was so darn angry with Him. I couldn't forgive Him for watching while I was violated so many times, and felt He did nothing to protect me, in fact even worse, the violator was a staunch Catholic, and I was supposed to respect him...have him in my home...sit down to dinner with him!!!!! It was more than I could imagine dealing with, and I blamed everyone for it.  Anger is a crippling thing.  It laces every other emotion with a tinge of bitterness..a hint of poison. It took a really ;long time for me to embrace the love of Christ...the love that had been there all along, but that I hadn't understood, and felt unworthy of. When I found Him...truly found Him, I was higher than any earthly high could ever attempt to take me...all the most incredible descriptive words in every language in the world could not fully describe the wealth of emotion, the fire in my heart, the intensity and joy I felt...but I let it falter.  Relationships take time, patience, commitment...and Jesus is no different.  You..I mean I..can't expect to have this phenomenal relationship with Christ if I continuously push Him to the sidelines and pursue this struggle called life, on my own.  I've never been very good at accepting or asking for help, and I know it's a "worthiness" thing, and a deep down fear that a) I don't deserve it and b) I'll be rejected.  Although this has been reinforced in the natural realm, Jesus has never once hung up on me, or refused to listen! So why am I cloistered in my house, with umpteen Bibles, and books, and time, and shutting up my heart?  I don't fully understand it myself. It's complicated!!!  Please pray for me.

Why are Dog Breeders brutalizing man's Best Man's Best Friend?

It is without a doubt, one of the most heinous crimes being committed on animals today, with the only result being that of general admiration for the "prettiest; wrinkly; sniffiest; dwarf like animals whose "charms are actually disabilities requiring millions of pet owner dollars to either treat their symptoms, or euthanize them.  Apparently the Rhodesian Ridgeback is bred purposefully with...yes you guessed it ...a rigged back! However the ridge is often ripe with additional problems such as spina bifida, and generalized back and spine problems.  Interestingly, the dogs that are bred with a recessive gene and are born without any deformities are usually culled...Killed...for being normal, healthy dogs!!!! The reason?  The breeders don't want to risk the "normal" genes being passed into the bloodline....they only want the "sick" ones to be bred??!!

Does this seem somewhat sick to you? The documentary by the BBC looks at many different species of pedigree dogs, and although I have always known that a mixed breed is usually more healthy, I didn't quite realize the extent of damage that the Kennel Club, and all dog associated clans, were doing to our precious pets.  The only way to stop this is by refusing to buy into their warped sense of what is beautiful in a dog.  Just like trying to emulate a fashion model leaves you open to starvation, organ and body damage, and a really whacked out sense of perspective, so too does this "fashion show" of the dog.  Don't do it!  Simply don't.  ADOPT A DOG FROM A SHELTER OR RESCUE HOME.  There are thousands ... millions of dogs...even pure bred dogs ...who are now languishing in some chain link haven just waiting for YOU!  And all those cute little Daschound with the 1 inch legs...they look cute all right...but just imagine if you have 1 inch legs and all that body in between....would you think it was that fun....?.....NOT!!

Dog Breeder's "mutations" found in village of 1000!

I recently watched a BBC documentary from 2008 on the disasters of inbreeding super champions for the elite dog show community, and how it has resulted in the deformation and possible extinction of well known breeds such as the King Charles Spaniel, bred with a brain disease as a common dominant gene, causing extreme pain to the dog, resulting in frequent euthanizing, and the bull dog, who's head has been bred so large that they can no longer birth their litters naturally.  This situation is not exclusive to the top breeder's club, and dog show dance, as I witnessed today in my small village of 1000.  A beautiful Alsatian (German Shepherd)  puppy rounded the corner, and I thought "what a beauti...." when it walked past and it's hind legs were deformed causing it to stumble as it went.  What on earth does any animal show want with a deformed dog? A dog who, by the |Kennel Clubs choice, will live it's life with a severe disability, and pain, simply to meet some warped, extremely misguided, standard that some ill minded fools have decided is now the sign of Pedigree??  These people should not only be stopped but they should be jailed.  I will continue on this thought later...Please watch the video in it's entirety.

French Immersion and the kids who are drowning in it!

I don't know if this situation is common throughout schools that have embraced French Immersion for a portion of their students, but our rural school of 300 children has been dealing with this transition for sometime, with no clear solutions ahead.  My son has ADHD, which seems to be common these days, and is in a mixed grade 7/8 class with about 30 other students, who also struggle with ADHD, or other learning disabilities.  There is one teacher's aid, and allot of chaos.  Three years ago, I was talking to my son's new teacher, trying to ensure that all the provisions outlined in Matt's IEP (Individual Education Plan) could be exercised, such as preferred seating, extended time for tests and assignments, help with note taking and recording homework assignmentts.  It was a rude awakening to discover that an IEP was almost impossible to achieve in an environment where there are 2 separate grades being taught simultaneously, with 30 kids who all have their own IEP, and are there because they don't have the ability to measure up to a French Immersion curriculum.  Refusing to accept this, I plunged into the year, and advocated with all my strength for Matt's plan to be executed but to no avail.  All I achieved was to alienate the teacher, and find Matthew stuck in the middle wishing that I would stop asking the teacher questions!!! So it's almost the end of summer, and the School year looms ahead...both Matt and I are looking forward to it!!!!!!......NOT!

JACKIE EVANCHO Opera Singer Americas got talent You tube edition.HQ-8-10-10

Jackie Evancho walked gingerly onto the stage of America's got Talent"...approached the microphone as the audience fell silent....and then she opened her little mouth...and sang as if she had been training for 30 years for this moment!!! A voice so incredibly set apart from her age and size, that some have had trouble believing it could be true. It will be amazing to see where this new found fame leads her...hopefully to an exciting and fulfilling life ahead.

Stoning

If you are interested in a little light entertainment then DON'T WATCH THE STONING OF SARAJA M.!
Since there has been a great deal of median attention on the issue of the proposed stoning execution of Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, age 43 due to occur in Iran this month, but presently postponed I thought I would watch this film starring Shohreh Aghdashloo and 'The Passion of the Christ' star Jim Caviezel.



The plot...all based on a true story...follows a journalist who comes upon a woman who has just witnessed the stoning death of her niece.  The story tells of a young woman's plight...being sentenced to death by stoning for adultery.  Her husband has concocted this story for a means to his own end, but the truth will not be heard, and the execution is inevitable.  The hole that they have dug for her to stand up in is appallingly well dug, with great care having been taken to ensure that this woman is properly buried, just over her waist.  They gleefully fill the hole, once they have lowered her in, securing her wrists in order to prevent her from shielding herself from the blows. Since all the villagers, who have gathered to enjoy the event are dressed in chadors and hijaab(s), it is easy to think that this is a film depicting biblical times, with the result being a sense of a less immediate threat...but of course that is not the case, and we also know that a young woman, Sakineh is right now being threatened with execution by stoning in August of 2010, should Iran renege on it's promise to Amnesty International to end this practice.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10579121

This film was amazing, and I was certainly deeply moved by it...but I could not watch the stoning in it's entirety...I felt nauseated at the sight of such brutality, although I know it exists, I couldn't bear witness to it in the same way as I couldn't fully watch The Passion and Christ's scourging.

Surely the deepest, most fiery pit is reserved for those who participate in this vile practice.

So my recommendation is...yes...to watch it...turning it on and off as needed...and pick up a pen or pencil, and sign anything that will help any organization anywhere, to stop this from happening.
I pray that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will meet an brutal and untimely end.....you might want to join me in that !
...Dear Lord...I know that You created this little man for a good purpose, but he has turned from you, and his heart is black, and his mind full of evil.  I ask You Lord to remove him from this world for the sake of his people, and indeed the world.  He lays down dark plans in concert with the evil one.  I ask you to protect Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, and her 2 children.  Let no harm come to them.  You are a Mighty God and Your will be done.  Amen.

https://www.amnesty.ca/resource_centre/view.php?load=arcview&article=4411&c=Resource%20Centre%20News

Time Flies...and so do birds

Please excuse the lapse in posting, but it's been a very rough week.  All the lovely Fibromyalgia issues have flared up in my attempt to get things done, and entertain Matthew.  One night I had no meds because we'd stayed out so late that the Pharmacy had closed, and so I couldn't sleep at all, and I'm still recovering from that...along with pain, explosive headaches, periods of angina, and general flu like symptoms on top of the fatigue that won't let go.  Oh what fun...but it could worse.
As I said, or I think I said, a few days ago...time flies...and sometimes I don't realize just how much time has gone by.  During the summer, I usually put all my birds out on the deck in their huge cage, and feed them apple branches!! They love it!  I have 4 cockatiels, and a spunky budgie, who has occasionally manages to escape from the cage, and has previously made meals out of my drywall.  So the solution to that, is to clip his wings (and usually all the birds wings) for the summer, so that they can be in and out of the cage safely.  Marty (budgie) had his wings clipped earlier than usual because of the drywall incident, and I guess I just didn't realize how long it had been, when I discovered him sitting on top of the cage, laughing at all the other birds below him (he's a bit bossy and snooty for a small bird).  Anyway, out I went to retrieve him, and put him in the smaller cage , since I decided, if he was going to misbehave...he would have to forgo the munching of the tasty apple branches...that would be punishment enough for him!!!! As I approached he looked me square in the face...(tweeting twice, which I assume is swearing in bird talk)... and promptly flew off into the greener than green forest that edges our back garden! At first I was in shock..."he can't fly"..I said to myself, and the other birds that were listening intently to me...while imagining their own freedom out there in the forest!  Then I counted the time, and of course it had been time enough for the little green man to grow his feathers back...I just hadn't noticed.  So all day I hovered back and forth between the couch, where I hoped that the pain would subside and some rest take over, and the back forest, calling out for Marty to return (like he would) and imagining that every small bird that flitted from branch to branch must be him. The goldfinches teased me relentlessly with their song...a song that Marty had learned to duplicate during his days on the deck...little did I know that he was planning an escape, and learning a foreign language is, of course, paramount for escape success! So Marty's gone and I am ambivalent about his fate.  On the one hand, I picture him flying for miles and miles, with his goldfinch friends...perhaps surprising some unprepared bird feeder owner, and generally having a wonderful time (I hate that bird...where is he?).  But on the other hand we all (The tiels and I) know how bossy Marty is, and he may try to take charge of the entire flock, which probably wouldn't go very well!! He might get picked on for his funny beak, and his odd flight pattern, setting him apart from the other birds( do birds have antibullying campaigns?)  I worry about the cold nights, and imagined him pecking at the sliding door last night, with an apologetic chirp, wanting to come home...but...that's probably not likely (maybe I should leave the door open...good riddance!).  But maybe there's a flock of indigent budgies flying around North America...kind of like that garbage island,... and he'll join them in pursuit of the homeland!!! Yes...I like that idea!!! I can live with that!!!!!  Goodbye and good luck Marty....(stupid bird...wait I think I hear him!........gotta go!!!....)