The Pit and the Pendulum

The pendulum keeps swinging  to flat...flat...flat...flat...all summer I have been hovering in this state of dark numbness.  I force myself out of the house into the village for whatever basic needs I have, and I put on a good show while I'm there!  It's a kind of "debut" each time, but a debut, as we all know, is supposed to be a single entrance, not a recurring theme!! I can be very funny when I want to be, and when I'm out, and also to make Matt laugh at home, I can put on a great show...tell a great tale...I believe in the old adage..."leave them laughing"!!!! But it's getting harder, and the flat has begun to turn into leaking.  I hate leaking...my nose stings and runs and the tears just pool on my lower lids, defying gravity for awhile, until they ...well...leak. By then it's hard to see, and interferes with everything except sleep.  I've watched most of the summer go by through the window in my sitting room sitting on the end of my couch, wrapped in dogs.  Every time I get up to get a drink, or whatever, they leap up with excitement waiting for the leashes to be brought out, and are very disappointed when that isn't the result, and we all return to our spots, huddled up together.  I love to walk them, and I know that it's both physically and psychologically good for me, but it also leaves me in pain both during the walk (plantar faciitis and shin splints), and after, fibromyalgia pain. I know I'm whining, but it really frustrates me that everything is such a struggle. I have thyroid problems too, but haven't heard yet, the results of my bloodwork.  I wanted them to do a Lithium level, but apparently someone with greater authority than me needs to determine that...so I wait...and hope it doesn't get worse.  I hate worse!!! The Pit.