Why did Anderson leave Egypt?

I'm glad to report that I'm having a really good day today despite a few hiccups in my plans and activities.  I have been trying to pace myself by doing just a few things each day, while being totally engrossed in the events in the middle east.  I actually watched Aljezeera (spelling?) tonight and their reporting was quite different from CNN's!....what a surprise...so I was wondering, (ever since Anderson Cooper disappeared from the dingy curtain wrapped room of some unnamed hotel near Liberation Square and reappeared back in the warmth and safety of the CNN newsroom) did they think the protests were over... how much of the world's events, disasters, political decision making, is actually shaped by our news consumption rather than merely "reporting" the facts.  How much pressure do politicians feel when the media is either continuously reporting that leaders are NOT doing/saying anything, and/or slant their statements to make them sound oppositional than they were.  I'm sure that the protesters who risked and some who lost their lives were happy to learn that they really didn't have to do all that...all that was needed was a quick call from the President of the United States to get things done!!  I'm certain that not only the protesters, but Mubarak must have been elated to see how quickly US news turned a 30 year dictator into a simpering idiot!!!  The influence that the media has, is frighteningly strong, and the political impact profound...ie.  Donald Trump may be running for President!?...Sarah Palin !?...I rest my case!  Very scary....(Donald Trump just said that China is Americas enemy...and doesn't China basically own the US debt!!!!!!  LOOK OUT EVERYONE>>>>I'M SO GLAD I'M CANADIAN!!!

Cairo is 7 hours ahead of me, and so all is quiet right now, being midnight there....well this is what I assume, but can't confirm, because there are no live feeds from Egypt due to the government crackdown on journalists and foreigners who under threat, and have been arrested, beaten, even kidnapped.  The army soldiers and tanks remain eerily quiet....not shooting at Egyptian demonstrators, but also NOT protecting them from assault by "Pro Mubarak" protesters, who rode into the peaceful crowds on horse and camel back, wielding knives and clubs embedded with nails!  Mubarak stated earlier today that he must stay in power now because of the chaos that is taking over the country....chaos that he himself has created with his thugs...imposing this chaos and brutality on peaceful Egyptian protesters...the people he is supposed to represent.  Tomorrow "Liberation Square" will be the site of a huge demonstration...the results of which will not be witnessed, and the total destruction never truly measured as in Tienanmen Square in China.  It will be a courageous or foolhardy journalist who may venture out of hiding to cover, or rather uncover, the reality of Mubarak's intentions. May God help them all.

It's Friday now and I'm the last one standing....

Matt's asleep (only for the past hour), the dogs are asleep (Dudley's dreaming about squirrels!) and it's 10 to 4 in the morning!!! I'm watching Nic Robertson; Peirs Morgan; and my fave Mr. Anderson, whose reporting has been on loop since midnight which is perfect for me as I'm busy cleaning up, doing laundry, sorting out drawers and shelves, and trying to find my "home" again underneath the rubble of household mess that has accumulated while I've been a non functioning blob!!! Now I know that I'm supposed to be pacing myself, and I have refrained from sweeping, vacuuming, or mopping because those activities are certain to put me on my back within hours of their implementation....( I wonder how much I would have to pay Matt to do that?)
So this is how it goes.....around and around again...I can do nothing for ages, and become daunted by the accumulation of undone tasks that I simply turn around and go back to bed.... and then all of a sudden... seemingly out of the blue...a power surge hits and pain seems manageable with my medicine cabinet closely available.  I don't know how long this will last and how severe the backlash will be, but at least I'll have some clean clothes to wear while I lie in bed for the next month of Sundays!!!!! Internationally, the "Day of Departure" in Liberation Square is underway, and many brave Egyptians are risking their lives to participate in what could be a lethal interaction with the pro Mubarak and the newly arrived "riot" police.
I can't even imagine what it must be like to be so desperately oppressed that you would rather be dead than to continue to function under such a government. One reporter indicated that the average age of the men in Egypt is 23 years old, with the median annual wage being $500.00!..Yeah, I think that might make me feel desperate. The entire Middle East appears as a tinderbox, with Tunisia and Egypt lighting the match.
I hope I'm awake enough to see what happens...guess I should crash (but maybe I'll fold that last load of laundry first)!

My second promise for 2011 is......

....Not to make promises I might not be able to keep!!!!! The same old same old....take 1 51-2 year "old" woman....add a splash of hormonal instability..combine it with waves of depression, heart disease, and chronic, often debilitating pain and fatigue.....( have I left anything out?)...oh yes....memory problems that often lead to walking in circles around supermarket parking lots...wanting desperately just to give up and walk away from the loaded cart, in favour of some pain meds with a coffee and a 30 minute break (I really really really have wanted to do that soooooo many times) and speech heresy....you know Heme Dopot...that sort of thing spills out of my mouth randomly and makes such perfect sense to me that I just can't understand why the checkout girl, and half the line behind me, are laughing!!!!  Anyway....here I am again...another International Crisis, Egypt, (it's really hard to spell that...I want to put the y in before the g and then i have to change it!) What an amazing mess we humans are in, and how interesting it is to watch as our entire planet seems to be wrestling in the arms of God. I used to be pretty certain that 2012 was just a movie title, but now I'm beginning to wonder.....aren't you? I mean...come on....the snow's so high here the birds are walking to the feeders!!!!
By the way....hey to Ange...thanks for checking in on me!!!!
Remember....I only come out during International Crises!!!!!!

2011

I didn't die...I just fell of the face of the earth for awhile!  Last year I was ill after the New Year, but this year I decided to get ill at my son's house where my moaning and groaning could be witnessed, and where Matt could engage with hujan beings while I wriggles and writhed aroubnd in my bed pumped up on Gravol, which did little or nothing to relieve my symptoms.  I drove home in this state, with the windows down for the first 2 hours, much to the dismay of my son and my dogs!  The alternative, I told them, would be much nastier than cold air!!! A week later, and I'm still weak, having lost 15 pounds in the process.  There are definitely better ways to lose weight, but I'll take what I can get.  So off to a new year....new challenges,...new revelations...and I'm rooting for a new member of our family to be created!!!  I promise to do better with my postings, which dwindled down to nothing, and probably for the best as emotional pain is difficult to share.  At present I do not want to die, and Iwill hold out hope for a new season to my life.  My mother turned 90 this past month, and though I wouldn't want to be 90, it does leave aspirations to perhaps a second part of my life.  Who knows!!!!

Musings

If all the world's humans suddenly were trasnformed into Golden Retrievers what a world it would be...
There would be no war, no bullying, no video games (can't play Xbox without thumbs!) there would be no more tv reality programs, just dog shows, noone would care if they had dog hair on their clothes, because their clothes would be dog hair! The only problem is.....................................................................
WHO WOULD THROW THE BALL?

The Slide

It's been a long, slow, slide down the slippery road to hell this year.  My depression began in July, and slowly dragged me into the muck and mire of "The Pit", where I've spent considerable time soaked with tears and drowning in dark thoughts, researching suicide options and their messiness ratings...where would i go so that I wouldn't be readily discovered, especially by Matt...and all the other "thinking" that goes with this phase.  How worthless I am....how much I've disappointed everyone, and keep disappointing them.  For awhile, I had reached a stage where as long as I could "work" my way to being valuable....by doing the most I could do to be thought well of...not ever expecting to be cherished, although that's been my life's desire....but enough to earn some "credits" on my life's account that's forever in the red///I can't do that anymore.  I'm too sick to do all the things I used to do...to be able to help other people, and therefore earn my merit...now I am worthless and valueless again.  This is very frightening because I thought the Lithium was my lifeline, but it appears that after 3 years maybe not.  This is not comforting.  The next course suggested is Electro convulsive therapy, which I have assisted in administering, but have never received, and it just seems such a drastic and barbaric treatment...and what happens if it doesn't work?  What relief can I expect and from where? I don't know how many more trips to hell I can stand, and the recovery process though dramatic in the removal of dark thoughts, the weepy sadness continues, and it seems as if I'm stuck only half way back. At 51 I'm an old soul with more to look back on and little to look forward to.  That's no comfort either.  This load is getting harder and harder to carry...the burden of all that has occurred after my innocence was taken from me.  People who don't understand think that "abuse" is a singular event, or span of time that ends when the touching and manipulation ends, but unfortunately it's not.  The child that I was....the potential that I had as that intact child with all the hopes and dreams of that innocence was murdered, and only the gaping wound remained, waiting to be healed....waiting....waiting to be healed.  Try to imagine a child....with that open wound...in your presence.  Would you expect that child to think, feel, behave and grow as if he/she wasn't wounded?  Would your expectations be that they think, feel, and behave as if they aren't wounded?  That is most often the case...the walking wounded, never be able to achieve or fulfill the expectations that existed before the murder...before the wound...go through life emotionally, spiritually, and very often physically wounded by addictions and illness...disabled.  Like a wounded veteran with an amputation...walking with a limp...except that no one blames them for walking with a limp...no one says...why did you make that choice to get blown up, shot at.  It would be so wonderful to share that burden....be relieved of having to carry the weight of all that guilt....to have the full extent of my injury acknowledged not for the purpose of blame, but for the purpose of validation....This road has been long and hard....and very, very lonely. I want to get off this road, but I don't know how to make it happen on my own because relieving some of my pain means that someone else must take it on, and that will cause them pain.  I'm not sure whether self protection is the reason behind the lack of understanding, or simply just plain old lack of understanding.  My sister called me the other day after meeting with her accupuncturist and seemed very surprised that when she shared my history with him of Fibromyalgia etc. he immediately asked if I had been abused!  It never occurred to me that she didn't know that the two were related!!!