Sunday, June 18, 2017

Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day to all Dads! My Father is 92 this year, and although he can't recall much of the present time, he still has his long term memory and likes to regale stories in the past. I live some 5 hours away so I don't see him very much, but try to call him weekly. I'm not usually successful because he sleeps a lot now and it's a challenge to reach him. He's in a Nursing Home,  but my sister is always around to take him out and look after his every need. Thank God for her!
My Dad has always been the most intelligent man I know. When we would watch Jeopardy he knew all the answers before the contestants did...he could have made a fortune.

In school he graduated a year early and as a result had to wait to start medical school because he was too young! He practiced medicine for almost 60 years!

I was the boy he didn't get, but he made up for it by believing he could make me into a professional tennis star!!! From the age of 10 to 18 we practised regularly and most winters started every Sunday at 7 am in a freezing tennis club...the first ones there got to put on the heaters! Although as the years passed it was obvious I was no Yvonne Goolagong ( my fav) Dad pressed on! I was hopelessly afraid of competition although I played quite well in the end, I always froze when the pressure was on. Poor Dad, a dream lost!
He also turned my oldest boys into pretty good golfers and spent many hours on the golf course with them from an early age. Although they were technically too young to be on the course he would put them in the golf cart as caddies then once on the course have them play!
Dad did a lot of Fathering for me, my sister, and my sons. I will always be greatful to him for the love and support he has shown us all. Happy Father's Day Dad!

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Garden Goes Wild!

The other day I was cleaning out my barrel deck pond and came a cross a nest at the bottom of the barrel. I wasn't surprised since last year we found a mouse nest in there. I gently disturbed the material and all of a sudden instead of a mouse the whole ball of fuzz started to undulate and then little bumble bees began to crawl out and fly around, buzzing angrily! They were so cute and small but perfect little bees. I knew if they stung me neither of us would be happy. I'd be stung and they'd be dead, so I left it alone for several hours so they could move on.

My yard used to be a garden that I had built up from nothing, including multiple flowerbeds, a huge vegetable garden and lilac bushes and honeysuckle around the perimeter to cover the metal fence I had installed. I had a beautiful pond, with a fire pit off to the side.  I spent hours and hours each day from spring to fall adding more and more perennials, looking after my fish and wondering at the giant bullfrogs, who incedentally ate some of my fish! The goldfish were breeding which was wonderful to see these tiny brown fish grow into golden shiny gems hiding underneath the huge waterlilies which bloomed in yellow then turned pink! I had little white lights in the bushes and torches to light the pathways to the pond and fire pit.

Once a saweet owl (tiny) landed in front of me with a mouse in its talons and I sat quietly in the dark and watched as he had his dinner within feet of me. Amazing!

Since I've been ill, the "garden" is no longer and is now a wild yard, which is sad, but also I've noticed that the wilder it becomes the more we are visited by nature. Hence the bee nests, of which I'm sure there are many more than the one I found. If you read my apple tree post you'll hear why I think that.
Bees are facinating little insects, and so cute and round. Apparently they burrow underground using old rodent holes to overwinter although some die off. So my greatest thing I miss is my pond but the increase in birds and  butterflies chipmunks helps to ease the pain!


Tuesday, June 13, 2017

My Life: Secrets and lies

I was 4 When I started school, and I think my sister was already going to the convent by then as she's a little older than me. I mention this only to get a perspective on time because it's difficult to know how old I was exactly when the "trouble" began in earnest. I know I was small because his hands were so big. That sounds like such an obvious thing to say about being a child compared to being a man but it's a funny thing about memory, what leaves its mark in your brain and what fades as quickly as it happened! Our memories of events and time are all jumbled up and even when 2 people have experienced something together, like growing up together, we all have different perceptions of what that time was like. We come to it through our own individual lens.
In the beginning my relationship between my grandfather and myself seemed normal and affectionate
as far as I know. My sister didn't like to be cuddled or tickled so I got all that attention and at first it all seemed good but at some point in time, I'm not exactly sure how old I was, things became a bit more nefarious.  The tickling progressed in intensity and the areas he tickled changed from simple waist and stomach, to my chest area, squeezing my bottom and running his hands up and down my thighs to the crotch of my panties. I remember being very confused because I loved my grandfather very much, but every time these events occurred, and the more often they occurred, I began feeling sick to my stomach, but I wasn't sure why. One of my clearest memories is of being out on my
grandparents terrace that overlooked a small lawn and then a garden with gooseberry bushes in it. I had been running around and my mother and grandmother were both in the house. As I ran past my grandfather he reached out and caught me, pulling me into his side as he sat in a deckchair. At first he was tickling me with his big hands and I was giggling. He had me by the waist and put his right hand on my thigh, running it up and down my leg several times but then he went higher and quickly he pushed his finger into me. I screamed loudly, and cried out and he quickly released me. I was inconsolable and when my mother and grandmother ran out to see what had happened my grandfather began to explain that I had been bitten by a ladybug? I was holding myself and I wept while he stared
at me and tried to pull me in to appear to be comforting me. I knew by the look on his face that I was in trouble. My mother tried to console me but she felt I was making a lot of fuss over a little bite and she began to be angry with me too. Looking back this was a pivotal point for me. I never said a word. I just cried and my grandmother took me inside to wipe my face and look for the bite mark which of course there was none which furthered the frustration over my apparent hysteria over nothing! A natural response really. Looking back something changed in me that day.
I felt suddenly alone for the first time.
I was trapped in a web of secrets and lies that I didn't really understand.

Friday, June 9, 2017

London Bridge terror attack

This past Friday night I was perusing my collection of tiny house videos when I decided to check in to CNN for my regular world chaos update. The bold "BREAKING NEWS" banner flashed across the screen, which no longer spikes my heart rate as "Breaking news" can be news that broke several days prior, however this was different and it soon became apparent that I was watching history in the making as video images of the London Police vans, and pictures of individuals on the ground, people running, some partially clad, through the streets, directed by armed police ( unusual for Britain) . The news commentator announced that the carnage I was witnessing had killed 8 people, injured many more and resulted in the shooting of 3 terrorists all in the space of 8 minutes.  Further news reported that people had been stabbed in the nearby market and at least one victim was being cared for by a group of people hiding in place in a restaurant.  Another witness spoke of seeing a woman jump off the bridge and I still don't know what happened to her.
My heart fell for the people of Britain. How much more can my mother country take.  Westminster, Manchester and London all attacked within a short period of time seems surreal.
What is happening to this world? So much hate is hard to fathom. Viewing images of victims in various stages of injury from minor to absolutely obscene.  How can human beings perpetrate such evil on innocents. The lower chart is taken from Wikipedia reviewing the incidents that England has suffered. My heart goes out to all the victims and their families, and I hope that those who are still lost are found quickly for their families sake.
The United Kingdom has suffered greatly in the past few years and most recently 3 attacks in 3 months.
April 1999 David Copeland bombing- 3 dead-139 injured
July 7-2005-London Underground and Double Decker bus bombings - 50 killed-100s injured
May 22-2013-stabbing of Lee Rigby
Dec 5-2015-Muhaydin Mive-stabbed 2-both survived
June 16-2016- Jo Cox-British Member of Parliament (neo nazi group)
Mar 22-2017-Westminster-3 killed 29 injured-driver struck pedestrians-policeman stabbed
May 23-2017-Manchester-22dead 59 injured bombing of Ariana Grande concert
June 3-2017-London Bridge-Borough Market-Van attacked pedestrians on bridge-stabbings at Borough Market

Thursday, June 8, 2017

My Life: Primrose Cottage

As a little girl some of my fondest memories are of our summer holidays, some of which were spent at "Primrose Cottage" in Battle. Pictured above are my sister and me (bunny skirt), in the back garden of the cottage. Just behind the cottage was a farmers field full of jersey cows. They were beautiful, with their huge brown eyes and big wet noses! It was both frightening, and exciting, to offer them handfuls of grass...the same grass that grew on their side of the fence, but they ate it out of our hands all the same so I imagined our grass 
was special!

The cottage was full of charm, created by my mother's ability to beautifully decorate a cave if she had to, with beautiful handmade curtains and cushions, wall art, and furnishings arranged in the most creative and comfortable ways possible. In the front of the cottage was a lovely paned glass window in which my sister and I sometimes played real estate agents, wearing plastic finger tips with red nails on them. We had drawn pictures of houses for sale and fixed them into the panes of the glass! We spent hours pretending to be real estate agents greeting imaginary customers to whom we would talk about the advantages of the different drawn homes we selected from our window!

We also spent many holidays in Devon, playing on the beaches, building sand castles and splashing around in cold water! It never mattered how cold the water was or how stony the beach, playing in the ocean was a must. I remember dashing out of the ocean shivering, with blue lips and body, into my mother's arms to be wrapped up in a huge warm towel and rubbed and hugged warm! Then came the blanket, and tea from a thermos!
The smell of the ocean, and salt on my lips, the shells on the beach, all filled me with excitement, I couldn't get enough of it. Once dry, it was time to explore, in warmer clothes, the tide pools which offered a plethora of sea life. Little crabs and periwinkles were most prevalent and while I was interested enough to catch crabs, I would then squeal as they scrambled about in my hands in an effort to escape! Periwinkles were far more agreeable and just peeked out of their shells and just as quickly ducked back in! I especially loved collecting shells, pretty stones and beach glass. Treasures which could be gathered and kept in a little box to handle over and over again long after the holiday was over.
Another favourite pastime was the boating ponds. I had a little blue and white sail boat which I would launch into what seemed like a huge body of water and watch carefully as it passed other boats and 
went on its own way with the wind.  Eventually she would wind up close enough to an edge of the 
pond to be retrieved safely, much to my relief!
These holidays are memories that I will treasure always, and since the majority of the time it was our immediate family only, I was free from any uncomfortable situations with my grandfather which made me feel freer and safer.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

To all Sarin Gas DENIERS...

...if you doubt, for whatever reason that I can't fathom, that Syrian innocents are "acting" rather than actually dying from sarin gas attacks, I have a plan for you! I suggest that you all gather together at LAX and we'll gladly fly you over to the Middle East and transport you to some remote village in war torn Syria. Hopefully for one of you, you'll fly United and you'll get kicked off the plane before you leave...you'll be the lucky one! In Syria, you can sit and wait for the sound of bombers overhead and one of you can video the result of an actual gas attack.  Of course as you twist and foam at the mouth, gasping for breath there will be those back home who will say that you're a "really good actor" and will be soooo surprised when you're shipped back in a body bag.  Better yet...if you're THAT CONVINCED then take your children too! The more the merrier right?
I don't understand you! Why are you so cruel and pig headed when there is full evidence to the contrary of what you believe?  If that were happening to you and the rest of the world did NOTHING but make up conspiracy theories about your plight, how would you feel? Would you want to flee? But wait...there's nowhere to go because you're terrorists tricking the government into letting you across the boarders so you can attack the USA! Of course...that's what it's all about.
Silly rest of the world who have decency in them and have empathy for our fellow human beings...but we need more than empathy. We need ACTION.
Stop being so ridiculous and try to be human instead.

Gasping for life CNN mini documentary

Fibromyalgia

When dealing with the symptoms of Fibromyalgia, one of the things recommended is to avoid stress! That's pretty hard to do! Although Fibromyalgia is not a fatal disease the main causes of death amongst it's sufferers is suicide and heart attack.  I have had 2 heart attacks since 2007 and been suicidal countless times.  To avoid stress when you're trying to live on a small fixed income, trying to look after all your typical activities of daily living which cause you unbelievable pain in places you never imagined you had muscles ( armpits! ). Add migraines, brain fog, kinda like mini dementia and extreme fatigue where there are periods of time when you can barely get out of bed to let the dogs in and out.  It's a daily struggle. Movement does help to relieve some pain, but adl's can put me into uncontrollable pain episodes from vacuuming, washing a floor, taking out the garbage! Ridiculous right? I used to be able to work full time, be a single Mom, volunteer at several different organizations, be a part of a worship team playing guitar and singing, walk my dogs daily, keep my house and garden well kept, heat with wood and all that entails, plus pursue various hobbies.
Now I only leave the house if I have to and eat a lot of cereal!