All things tiny...

seem to be cute right? Well that seems to hold true to Tiny Houses as well, at least I think so.
Tinies come in all shapes, sizes and styles from a simple caravan to a mass of shipping containers, to a tiny cottage, or a house on wheels so that you're always home no matter where you roam!
They cost less to build , although luxury houses can cost more than my present small old house ( 134 yrs old ) . They cost less to maintain, allowing owners to do more of the things they love rather than being a slave to a mortgage, and they cause you to take stock of what's really important in your life without the focus being on acquiring more "stuff" and the effect that has on your time. I wish for a tiny house on wheels so that no matter where my family is (presently 5 hours away), I can up and move closer in order to be a part of their lives rather than a mere visitor. I miss my children and grandchildren, and that's a big driving ( no pun intended) force in my interest in going tiny. So have a peek at this movement that is sweeping North America ( most prevalent in Portland Oregon ) and think about whether or not you could live tiny...maybe even off grid!

http://tinyhouselistings.com

You can build more houses but you can't make more land...

Which is the point of a new petition which made me aware that the government is talking about grabbing back the green belts for future development.
The problem is that at some point this drive to build bigger a bigger houses in bigger and bigger housing developments is going to crash and burn when the house you paid 1/2 a million dollars for is only worth $250,000, and the yard that house is on leaves only a shred of garden area for bees and birds and butterflies and squirrels and rabbits to live in and they start to vanish from our brick clad landscape!
What are we doing when we must drive 20 minutes to find a government funded piece of grass with a swing and a slide on it...as Cat Stevens so eloquently sang...Where do the children play?
I'm tired of the SUV ads that depict these gas guzzling vehicles climbing mountains and driving through streams when really they're all parked at the grocery store 15 minutes from their homes!
Why are there rules that say you CANT live in a house under 400 square feet...there's lots of people doing it and leaving a tiny footprint on our lands but the rules say NO! Why? Get involved
by putting our names to petitions that will help to save our greenbelts and wetlands...our nature
Wow, glad I got that off my chest and I apologize to all SUV owners...but it's true!
Cat Stevens - Where do the children play?https://youtu.be/HMv7M2wuqw0

It's raining again! ...

All day my body has been screaming at me .... P...A...I...N...I know it's gonna rain! Matt kept telling me " it's sunny out its not raining" ....but now it's raining and everything hurts...EVERYTHING! Oh well typical fibro body stuff.  Otherwise I made some jewelry for my tiny house! I can't work so money is limited and making jewelry doesn't require too much physical labor although I can't sit for too long. So if I make enough and try to save I can pursue my tiny house dream...I did mention that I'm dreaming of building a tiny house on wheels and maybe by the time I can afford it they will have changed all those nasty rules that say you can't live in a house that's under 400 square feet...what a stupid rule!
Anyway speaking of tiny houses, here's a super video that I came across that is truly magical...lets see if I can figure out how to embed the video...hmm!
I did 

And now for something a bit more uplifting!?

WOW...that was a bad bad day in my last post but as you can see I'm still very much ALIVE! But had a few close calls in between...more heart attacks, more pain issues but now I'm just accustomed to taking each day as it comes...some good, some bad, but I'm not on a boat fleeing from a war torn country clinging to my starving children so I'm good right? I have to update my pic as my son is now 20 years old ( how the hell did that happen) and I'm still 29!!!NOT! Illness has aged me beyond my real years and those wrinkle creams don't seem to work on me! (I love the fact that all the ads use 20 yr. olds! )
Presently I'm stable on anti depressants but unstable on my feet! However I have a current fascination with going "tiny". Not my body, although there are quite a few parts I wish were tinier, but I mean tiny house living. If you haven't heard of this movement it started anew in 2011 when people began to realize they were slaves to there mortgages and possessions and decided to live a more simple existence...this is a BIG movement in Oregon especially and though it sounds romantic the realities are more impactful than dreamy. Keep posted for my dreamy plans.

Better off dead

As I've already said, the idea of this blog was to try to do something consistent and the obvious result is that there isn't anything that I can do consistently with the exception of being consistently I'll, consistently in pain, and consistently weaker with each fibromyalgia flare up, depressive episode,
more frequent periods of suicidal thoughts becoming more serious with each period of unrelenting pain, constant nausea, rotting teeth, and panic attacks/heart attacks.
There's no escape from the mental and emotional desperation I feel. Nothing really matters anymore. I have lost all hope of getting better and so I'm worthless...I have nothing to offer anyone and I have become an inconvenience to most. I just barely get through each day now. I wake up and go back to sleep thinking about how to end the pain with every minute in between. Right this very minute I'm fighting debilitating nausea. I lay on the couch, bucket beside me and pray that either the nausea will stop or I will die...the latter is most likely.
I am alone for the first time in my life. I've been a parent since I was 20 but now my family is too far away to visit and besides everyone has their own lives to live. I understand that however it hurts my heart...I am profoundly sad.
I just need this to be over.

Wow! I'm not DEAD,

It has been far too long since I posted to my blog for many reasons but mostly because I've been really ill including another heart attack; major depressive episodes with suicidal ideation; financial problems blah blah BLAH!!!! Lots of problems with medications and their side effects.
Basically struggling like so many other chronically ill people and retreating into the fetal position to make it through each day. Not much fun but I'm still here...you're still here (that is if you're reading this : ) ) so life continues. I've got a lot of updating to do on this site as it seems there's a lot that's not working right now, but for now just a "Hey out there" and hopefully I can relearn how to work this blog!

How 2 b consistently inconsistent!

Oh my....it's been a year since I've written and so much has happened.  For starters....I'M HEALED !!!!>>>> Well no I'm not healed unfortunately, but I'm also not dead so that's good.  I've decided that it"s best to have NO expectations rather than setting the bar too high.  That way by default my day has been successful if I manage to get out of bed, or if I answer the phone and speak to another human being!  Not that my son and his friends aren't human, but my standards for vocabulary,clothing, food choices, and terms of endearment have suffered abit in the past 10 years. But it's Spring/Summer again and my butterflies will be back because my lilacs are blooming and I'll try to make this gorgeous sunshine fill me up and raise me up.  I have promised my sister that I will try to eat better and get somone in to do the things I cannot do without crashing.
I have also become obsessed with the Jodi Arias trial and I am floored by the recent mistrial and I wonder what was going on in that jury room who had signed up to declare the death penalty but then they didn't??!!
I foolishly looked at the crime scene photos of that poor young man and there's NO POSSIBLE WAY that she had mitigating factors to avoid death. NONE!!!! In her appeal for life she sounded as if she was applying to be on student council suggesting that Travis Alexander being stabbed 29 times, had his throat slit from ear to ear, dragged into the bathroom and pushed in the shower, and shot him in the head and left him there to rot while sending him phone messages was simply acceptable payback for their troubled relationship! But there's something going on with the jury foreman that I think will be examined and found to be lacking...perhaps criminal.