Death be not Proud

A year has passed...it is the anniversary of Neda's tragic death during protests in Iran, and the beginning of my blogging journey. Man I was really reved up, a torrent of thoughts racing around in my head, and nowhere to put them...couldn't sleep, couldn't relax, couldn't be still...and that was with the lithium!!!! Being high is kinda crazy, but it comes on slowly so that you don't really notice until your sleep deprived!! Checking out my blog entries it's only been twice this year that I've been flying, and no super sads, so that's really good for me. Flying can be fun if there's control (lithium) to keep from skyrocketing up into space, or spending tons of money you don't have!! It's the "super sads" that are extremely dangerous and had become increasingly severe, to the point that when entering the pit there was definitely doubt as to whether or not I'd be making a return trip. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, who has had someone they love kill themselves, but I want you to know that when you're that ill, it's not about any specific thing anymore...it's just about the fight, and not having the strength to do it anymore...the struggle is inside, and it takes allot of strength to reach outside of yourself and go through the process of getting help...for some people, sometimes that's just more work than they have in them. I've heard people say "I should have known...I should have done something"... but we can be masters of deception...most of us have been playing this game for the larger part of our lives and know how to make it through a Church service, dinner, or brief chat on the corner. It's not your fault.

Anyway, back to the anniversary thing. Neda died a year ago in the riots in Iran, and the video of her death... so short... so brutal, is forever the emblem of that uprising. She was there, and in the blink of an eye she was gone...her life's blood literally flowing out of her. We didn't know anything about her...nothing...and in the moment that she died she became like a lost sister, or daughter or friend whom we all had lost. The whole world mourned her, so touched by the seconds of video off a camera phone. Life is uncertain.