If you've been anywhere in the eastern part of N. America in the past week then you know that it started by being hot (following 6 days of rain, a welcome relief for my poor fibro racked bones), then it was hotter than hot...then it was suffocatingly hot (with accompanying bouts of angina)....followed by overwhelmingly ridiculous hot!! It was...in a word...HOT! We began this heat wave adventure in good spirits, and looking forward to a much needed drying out, but as the week progressed it became more and more difficult to cope with the less pleasant side effects of the heat, and a hot house...those being....no sleep...no apetite...no energy (less than my low normal!)...no food...no will to shop...feeling faint, and suffering with angina. We spent Monday - Wednesday at the lake, which is our usual method of escaping, but usually once we return home, the house has cooled, and we're comfortable and nicely tired enough to sleep...this week that was not to be. No matter how late we came home, the heat was hanging like a lead curtain throughout the house, increasing in intensity the closer you got to the upstairs. By Wednesday when leaving the house I began to wonder if I should be going to the Lake, or the Hospital, and by the time we got home I knew that I had to do something to survive. 2 years ago I purchased 2 air conditioners, which had stayed neatly tucked away in the upstairs closet ever since. I had to get these installed...it was our only hope. Since I don't have a man, and the situation was dire, I wrestled one of the AC units out of the closet, and down the stairs...it was not a pretty site. Once I opened the box and began reading the instruction manual (the first 5 pages being "warnings") I realized, as I wiped the sweat away from my burning eyes, that this manual was written in gobbledygook...that language that looks like English...but really has some other origin!! The words all pull together in what is supposed to be a sentence, however, no matter how many times, or how slowly you read it...it makes absolutely no sense at all. My hopes were dashed...I almost wept. By Thursday morning my stubborn little self, was on the phone trying to find a "handy man"!!! A fellow was recommended to me, and able to come that afternoon, so we stayed home and sweat ourselves out while waiting for his arrival. By the time he arrived I was exhausted, but clinging to the fact that I would soon be the happy owner of a cool house! I had him bring the other AC unit downstairs, through the blistering heat of our upstairs (1/2 storey), and he then began to toil over the instruction manual himself ....reading...sweating...reading...re-reading...more sweating...groaning...(you get the picture!!)...after 2 1/2 hours of reading; sweating; and installing some parts on the main unit, he announced that he didn't feel that he had the right equipment or know how to complete the job properly, and then he left! I was devastated and dashed...my hope for coolness and a night's sleep were gone. I lay down on the coach and applied wet cloths to my body, praying for some kind of rejuvenation. After about an hour I came to my senses....I would not be daunted by this silly manual, meant to dissuade mere mortals like myself from installing air conditioners by themselves...it was pure propaganda...the type designed to waive any and all possible responsibility, from injury and or death...from a paper cut to electrocution, and I would NOT be marginalized...I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!
So over the next 2 days I installed those air conditioners, one by one, with every woman's most important household tool...Duct Tape!!!!!! By Friday night Matt, Oliver and Dudley were all basking in the coolness that is now our first floor...just don't go upstairs just yet! I suppose that at some point in the near future I will probably have to relent and ask another male to come to my home and install my AC units properly...but for now it's just kind of nice to know that despite being old, ill, and just a little bit crazy...I've still got it!!!
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