Sick, sick, sick...

I am so very sick of nausea, very sick of extreme fatigue, and very sick of PAIN! The irony of this is that, other than the pain, the nausea and some of the fatigue, are exaggerated by the side effects of all the medications I'm on for everything else! I take about 20 pills per day. The illness sucks, and the side effects suck. Trying to manage pain is a real problem. Last week I saw my Nurse practitioner about my pain medication, as I have been having breakthrough pain some 3 hours into a supposed 6 hour stretch of relief, so she decided to try me on dilaudid...Well forget it! I cannot function at all with that stuff, but did get pain relief...in between all the wretching. So now I've stopped taking that of course, but cannot get my Nurse practitioner to get a script for the old stuff rather than nothing but continuous pain...I've left her 3 messages, and really don't feel up to going in again. The whole process of getting in to see her is fairly lengthy 30 - 45 min. wait, but that is an improvement over my GP, whose wait time is 1 hour on average. If I could lie down and have a rest while I'm waiting it wouldn't be so bad!!! I'm also quitting smoking and have been taking Champix, which is yet another additive to the mix, but it's working so I've gotta suck that up. We ran out of food last week, but since the fridge is broken, and I've been to ill to buy a new one and go grocery shopping (I hate grocery shopping, even when I'm stocked up with pain meds, I make it through the store but start to flounder in the line up, and by the time I'm loading it all into the car I'm totally drained, and can just get home and fall into bed...the groceries have to stay in the trunk for awhile until either Matt gets home, or I can revive enoghh to do it!) Matt's been eating alot of take out, and me...cereal. But I know that just like always we will muddle through, and this too shall pass, but I just wish life wasn't quite so hard. I know that I am blessed, and have more than enough to be greatful for and I thatnk God daily for that. I'm just feeling particularly sorry for myself tonight, and that's all there is to it! Thanks for listening.